Bitter | g.d - e.d

14 [Leila]

"Hey." I said as Violets face popped up on the screen. She smiled and waved, "Hi." I smiled back and searched the background of her room for anything out of the ordinary, "Everything good at home?" I asked, she nodded, "Hm, well my dads watching the football downstairs, so yeah, I'm fine right now." She looked down. Fuck i hate what her dad is doing to her! Its so not right! But she wont let me do anything about it! Urrgh! She deserves way better!

"Are your parents home?" She suddenly asked. I bit my lip, "Well they were supposed to come home today...they're not here." I explained. She stuck out her bottom lip, "I bet their flight was delayed because of the weather forecast." She tried to comfort me, but i knew the truth. I hummed in reply. I tried to change the subject by talking about BTS. I don't know why but it just popped into my mind. I told her about Yoonmin. She has no clue what it is but i told her anyway. She seemed interested enough.
All of a sudden her phone started ringing. Which i thought was strange because, not to be rude cause same goes for me but, I'm her only friend. She looked at me cautiously.
"Who is it?" I asked her. She looked down at her phone. "Its Ethan..." she said slowly, "Huh? Why is he calling you?" I asked, confused.  "I don't know either!" She replied. I stared blankly as she answered the phone. I raised my eyebrow as she glanced at me nervously. She then put the phone on speaker but it was muffled so i shrugged at her. "You want to meet in person?" She said to Ethan. Oh okay I get it now. He wants to hang out with her. Okay, thats cool. They kissed so I guess he wants to date her....

I blanked out for the rest of their conversation. I think saw her blush a couple of times which for some reason made me a little pissed off. I zoned back in as her face looked confused.

"What the hell was that?" I said in disbelief , "Did he just hang up on you?" She nodded slowly.

"Yeah.. thats so weird of him."

§

After we ended the call, it was 6:00pm. I shut down my laptop and put it on charge. Why is all this shit getting to me? I used to be so strong. But ever since these boys came into my life... I just.. Ive changed. I don't know if that's a positive or not. I think that I made everyone's life worse. Grayson now has to deal with all my bullshit. Violet had been dealing with my bullshit for years now. I made her mental health worse. I think it was better when I kept to myself and didn't try to be unique. I know Grayson would say otherwise, something like, "Your perfect the way you are so you should show it" and stupidly enough, I would probably believe it. Because Grayson Dolan has filled my head with something scary. Something that I have never had, that I never should!

Hope......

§

The time was 8:30pm. I sat at my desk and grabbed out my journal. Something that I haven't looked at in months. I grabbed out a pen and scribbled away at the crumpled pages.

Dear who the fuck cares, I'm writing to say that my head is confused. Confused with the fact that I used to want to be dead. But now since a certain someone has entered my life I feel as if I have something to live for.. Ever since my first attempt, I have isolated myself from my family and friends and all my peers. I know that it is my fault that I don't talk to my mother, and it is my fault that Grayson is wasting his life. Not theirs. I used to blame things on everyone else because I didn't want to face the fact that I fuck up every single good thing in this world. Like Violets future. I know that she is capable of many great things but since knowing me she has fallen into depression once again. But I think that after all these years of hatred, I have finally realised that loving someone is the best feeling in the world. I have met a person that actually likes me for me. As amazing as that is, I do not deserve him. He is to good for this world. No words could describe how thoughtful, generous, caring and respectful he is. But when it comes to me there's only one word to describe me.