Book Two - It Should Have Been Us

Chapter Seventeen

{James' POV}
Why?
James, please. Let's just end this.
You wanted to break up that bad you had to do this?! Did I ever make
you feel like you can't just up and tell me if you don't want to be
part of this anymore?
James-
Fuck! Just answer me!
She kept quiet. Her eyes downcast.
When did you find out?
A few weeks after we became exclusive.
He came to you?
He was trying to protect you.
I know what he was trying to do. If anyone knew him more than he knows
himself, that would be me. I'm assuming he gave you a copy of our
marriage contract 'cause there's no way you could have obtained it on
your own.
James, what's the point? Why do you have to ask questions you already
know the answers to?
Oh, okay. Then tell me this. And please. Be real fuckin' honest with
me. Why?!
I just- She pulled in a deep breath. Were you ever planning to tell
me? She looked at me; her eyes mirroring the pain she feels. Because
if you were, you would have told me a long time ago. Hell, Paulo knew!
I bet even Jake has an idea and they were probably laughing behind my back all this time. I thought for sure that you would confess the
night of Jake and Sara's engagement! The girls were teasing me about
getting married next and I waited for you to tell me but no. All you
did was have rough sex with me – every single time! I felt betrayed. I
can't believe you made me your mistress. Of all the things I imagined
you doing to me, this wasn't part of it. I had to retaliate in any
way. When I saw her again, I realized I would lose you anyway so...
So why not ruin my reputation? And my first encounter with my son? Is
that it?
I'm sorry.
Are you? I had to bite my tongue. You know what's ironic? I don't hate
you. At all. If anything, I feel inconvenienced by all of this. And
for the first time in my life, I'm having regrets. I feel like I
should have told you about it the minute we met again. I should have
been transparent. Let you know what you were saddling yourself with.
James-
I sighed. Tell you what. Let's meet Nadine after so you can apologize
to her.
James, you don't understand.
This isn't just sex to me, Nath. Listen to me. Just listen. I
proceeded to tell her about what transpired over the past few years.
From the moment I laid eyes on Nadine down to what it was like after
she left me. I told her everything, not leaving anything behind even
the things I've kept to myself. I figured it was miscommunication and
keeping secrets from one another that started this dilemma. So this
time I'm laying it all down on the table.
She was speechless for quite some time after my long speech, her eyes
still looking down her fingers. Then she looked at me, her eyes
brimming with unshed tears.
You can't seriously be considering forgiving me after this, are you?
I don't have to consider anything Nath. I get why you did the things
you did. I forgive you. And I want us to fix this. Start again on a
clean slate.
No.
Nath, you're being stubborn.
You don't get it do you? I'm not breaking up with you because you're
married or because you kept it from me. It's not just because of the
lost of trust, the miscommunication, the secrets that make this all
fucked up. It's us. I love you, yes, but my love's not enough for the
both of us.
What are you talking about? Of course I love you. My frown growing
with each second.
I know you do. But it's not in the way you should love me. Not in the
way we both needed. I love you like I needed air to breathe; I look at
the future and I see you holding my hand. And I desperately want for
you to feel the same way about me. But you don't.
You can't be certain about that.
Oh yeah? Then tell me, do you see yourself growing old with me?
Raising kids with me?
Nath, please understand. I'm still new at this fatherhood thing. I'm
just adjusting to being a father to Reese.
That doesn't answer my question James. A few minutes of silence
passed. You know what's funny though? I didn't know how to respond to
that, so I just looked at her and she continued. At Reese's birthday,
when you blew the cake with Nadine, it flashed in my mind. For a split
second, I imagined you with her, gray haired, blowing candles for your
very own golden wedding anniversary. Looking at her the same way you
have been looking at her at that party.
You're imagining things. I wasn't looking at Nadine a certain way.
Nath searched my face. Then without a word, she picked the envelope
lying about on top of the table between us and handed it over to me.
Take it, that's what I did first thing this morning. Leave, please.
And us? We're done. She grabbed her purse and went out of the condo in
haste, leaving me standing in the middle of her living room.
I opened the envelope and looked at the contents. I was stupefied for
a moment. Then I took the duplicate keys she gave me and placed it on
her table. I perused her condo one last time before locking her door
behind me, the envelope in my hand. I hit the speed dial on my phone.
I need a drink. Meet me in 15. I ended the call without waiting for a
response.
Sam entered the VIP room just as I was pouring my next glass. You're
late.
I had to drop Kianna off. He studies my face. You don't hate me.
I know why you did it.
Do you?
You never liked her did you?
Contrary to popular belief, I actually like Nath. She's an amazing
woman.
But you don't like her for me?
She came at the wrong time, man.
You do know I was considering annulment and divorce?
So I was told.
Can't wait for the but.
But it isn't what you need.
What do you know about what I need?
Can I be blunt? You may have distanced yourself for the past couple
months but I know you like the back of my hand, man. Nath is great.
And it could have been great with you two – if and that's a great if –
she met you sooner.
After a few seconds of staring contest, I handed him the envelope Nath
gave me. His eyebrow raised in question but he sat down without a
word, then started poring over the contents. Who?
Nath.
He looked over the pictures. Raising one after the other. The envelope
contained pictures of me looking at Nadine from the time we started
dating in secret, when we finally admitted our relationship to the
public, pictures of me when she left, pictures of us when she started
living with me again, and the last picture – of me looking at her
during Reese's birthday.
She broke up with you. His voice laced with regret.
Wouldn't you?
Fuck. I need a stronger drink. He went to the bar to get a bottle of
Macallan.
Isn't that what you wanted in the first place?
Nope. I gave her a copy of your marriage contract just to make sure
she knows what she's getting into. She deserved to know the truth at
the very least.
And the ones from Paris and Japan? That was all you. I couldn't hide
the confusion from my face. Here I thought he outed us to get rid of
Nath.
I know. That was for Paulo actually.
He already knows we're married. He was even invited to the first one.
Exactly. I may not like Nadine when you first introduced her to us but
over the course of your relationship I learned to love her like a
sister, the two other marriage certificates were meant to test Paulo –
that he knows just how serious you guys were before. He has a knack
for playing around in the past. I wanted to let him know how much you
have changed for Nadine, that you not only promised her forever once
but thrice.
None of what he says still makes sense. Where did you even get our
marriage contracts?
Are you kidding me? He chuckled. It was lying about in your house. I
just had to come by and hang around with Jack to play.
Fuck Jack.
No, man. Fuck you. He poured the whiskey in his glass and handed over
the bottle to me.
That too.