Look at Me One More Time

When Hearts Unite

As my belly grows, my appetite for Ben grows too.

I can have him in the morning right before he leaves for work, right before our bedtime or even while we are sleeping. Basically, I'll just rub his body in my sleep, until he wakes up to finish what I started.

I get so horny just from smelling the reeks of his body odor from his clothes while doing the laundry. I'd jump on him as soon as I see him walk in through that door.

How I wish I could fit beautifully inside those fishnet stockings once more. These days, anything I wear will just make me look like a fat cow.

And every time Ben gets closer to rub my clit, he'll have to bypass the bump above it, making me feel all uncomfortable and embarrassed with myself.

I used to feel pretty and confident. Now I don't even know if my husband will ever like me like he used to before.

"Wanna go somewhere this weekend?" He suddenly asked, as I was snuggling up to him while watching Netflix.

My face turned frowning. I'd love to go out with him, but I hate the fact that my frequent bathroom visits making it harder to select a place that is okay for a bloating, pregnant mom to walk around.

Back in Malaysia, in any restaurants they'd offer bathroom for the public. You can just walk in there, order a nice iced lime tea, and use their bathroom. Because of the hot weather, most people would just spend their day inside a shopping mall with all the facilities provided. 

While over here, the buildings are all too ancient to even add a bathroom. And even if there is, the toilet bowl can be so filthy with bastards who peed standing and didn't bother cleaning up. How can I even sit there?

"Whatever, hun," I replied. "You choose."

"You should be the one choosing, you're the one always stuck at home these days," he responded, while brushing my hair with his long fingers. "Wanna go south again? It's warmer there."

I clung to his arm like a baby. I'm hormonal, I don't care. I'm always hungry, but don't want to get fat. I want to have sex but I feel ugly.

"Wanna eat more steak?" He suggested. "Different place this time."

The word 'steak' made my mouth all watery. "I hate my cravings."

"It's just steak."

"But my mom said eating so much steak just means we'll be having a boy."

"So, you don't like it if it's a boy?"

"I can't think of good names for a boy."

Ben thought I was being so cute, he couldn't help but giggle and kiss me all over.

And without realizing, our conversation just ended there for the night as I fell asleep on him. Didn't even watch the show until the last parts.

Although Ben didn't carry me to bed, I recall he did ask whether I wanted to be moved. In the end, I slept on that sofa on him until around 2AM, I woke up because I had to pee. There was my husband sleeping with his head resting on a stack of cushions.

"Oh, what happened?" He opened his eyes immediately as he sensed I was getting up.

"Go to bed," I told him, giving a pat on his head gently.

He just obeyed and walked slowly there. By the time I reached the bed, he was already fast asleep again. Couldn't go straight back to sleep, I used the phone after dimming the screen.

There were messages in my Facebook inbox and those in Twitter that I haven't checked since long. Most of these direct messages are just dumbasses sending nudes and asking if I'm free to 'help' them jerk off. I'm not a whore.

And how fortunate I am not ending up with any of these losers. Maybe Ben is somehow a Catholic being a hypocrite to himself in the past, unable to contain his sexual needs with me, but he turned out to be a good husband. I'm sure if I check his phone now, I will find bitches texting him yet he just scared them off, or some gay dudes wanting a dick up their asses.

And maybe, I will not find anything similar at all since he never looks for it unlike me who constantly retweets porn clips after watching them.

His phone is always as clean and pure as the pages of a Bible.

I smiled as I browsed through the recipes for what to cook tomorrow. I'm slow with all this cooking but I'm sure any husband would love to come home to his wife's cooking for dinner. And I'm happy that Ben can tolerate a little bit of spiciness, so it just makes things a whole lot easier for me.

In the morning, after giving me a quick kiss, he left home with a short "I Love You" to my WhatsApp. There was also a link to a new game that I could download to try out whenever I'm hit by boredom.

Whether I'll like it or not, he'll always introduce me to all the new apps he finds online. He knows how much it kills me being housebound for nine freaking months and even more months after that, but this is the least he could do. If I can't even help myself, nobody else can.

I figured maybe I should find another hobby since photography is totally out of the picture now, no matter how much I wanted to go out there, climb up on stuff and snap the whole scenery.

Now that Ben has stopped bothering me for my habit of writing a story filled with the descriptions of our genitals, I'm feeling one heck of a large boulder has been lifted up off me.

And here I am, preparing the ingredients for the peri chicken I'll be making this evening. It will be a dish made with love.