Look at Me One More Time

Rough, Yet Gentle

"Are you ready?" Ben asked.

I was actually worried and self-conscious about how I might look now after delivering a baby, after all the stitches and all the loss of blood. It is scary when you don't know what to expect. And even if I asked someone, they'd say that every pregnancy is different and everyone has different ways of recovering.

"Can you check?" I was also concerned about how my husband would feel about our sex life in future.

He checked, but he didn't really know what he was checking. "You look the same."

And he touched too. I immediately knew I was ready. I have been ready probably since weeks before, but Ben never asked for it and I was too afraid that having sex would trigger unwanted post-partum issues for my body. After realizing how uncomfortable it is to be horny on my own without a partner to help soothe me, I had to suggest him to try.

But he was gentle. He was afraid that he might hurt me too.

And he only did it because I wanted it. As he penetrated me, I had a sudden discomfort but as soon as my fluids started to show, it felt smooth.

I do admit that my body has changed since I gave birth to Letty. At least, I felt different.

"What about you?" I asked.

He feels the same like before, he said. Just like when I didn't have a baby yet. Although, somehow, he said it's much less painful for him to enter, considering his shaft is thicker than the head, as my tightness is more consistent.

Maybe from pushing out Letty, I've learned something about my muscles down there.

It definitely felt good, and all of a sudden, I wasn't afraid anymore. In fact, I was confident I could give us both the pleasure we needed.

He mistakenly grabbed my tits too hard and some of my breast milk was sprayed to his face. It was so funny and we both laughed.

"How does that taste like?" I said, half laughing, half moaning from his dick throbbing inside my pussy.

"It's sweet," he said. "No wonder baby likes it."

He's now more careful with my tits and he knows he shouldn't play with my nipples too much as long as I'm still breastfeeding.

We didn't push it, though. As soon as he felt like his dick was ready to cum, he went fast until he almost came and let it all out all over the stretch marks of my tummy.

Also because we didn't want to wake the sleeping baby girl in the other room with our love-making noises.

We took that time to snuggle and cuddle under the covers, but I couldn't fall asleep yet as I needed to feed Letty.

"I have been thinking, for quite some time actually," said Ben.

"Yeah?"

"I know with our marriage you have been saying you don't want us to go back to where you came from, even though I've seen Malaysia and I can say it's beautiful."

"Uhuh.."

"But I really wished I could get to know you even more than I do now."

"What do you mean?"

"I want to know more about your culture, all the food that you used to eat over there. Your native language. Your relatives. Your old friends. The schools you went. The places you grew up in. If it's okay for you, I'd like to bring Letty to Malaysia so she can learn about her mother's origins, her own too actually. In fact, I told my parents if they want to come too. Maybe Paulo too. I'm sure my dad will enjoy the food you got there, and maybe they all can spend time with your family."

I kept listening in silence. The idea of having Ben's family hanging out with my family kinda scares me actually, although, it's something that is bound to happen. I did, at one time in the past, have my heart flutter thinking of how both sides would enjoy a holiday somewhere, altogether. Like a big family time, you know.

"I can't keep using Google to translate words into Malay," he continued. "I'm curious, I really want to know, even what kind of cute nicknames you'd give to your husband in your language."

My heart skipped a beat. "I'd call you sayang."

"So what will 'I love you' sound like?" He asked.

I couldn't help but smile. "You're willing to do all this, for me?"

"When I was there, it was so short and I haven't actually explored it."

I held him so close. Yes, I do have fears of bringing Letty back to my homeland in case (my lack of patience to entertain stupid questions) of people wanting to know what language I will let her learn or whether she's gonna take an extra class for Islamic lessons. And of course, how typical of them to be wondering whether we will ever come back to live in Malaysia, for good.

Honestly, I don't care whichever place I live in as long as we're all comfortable and it's safe for kids to grow up with whatever choices they may have in future. I will consider moving back, allowing Ben to probably start his business there only when the country is okay with not pushing religion to newborn babies who barely see the world yet. I know by heart that I will have problems when Letty starts school because she'll definitely be labeled as a Muslim because I am registered as a Muslim since born. Can't change. And they'll make Islamic classes compulsory for her.

It's equivalent to sending her to study Catholic belief in Portugal after Ben and I both agreed to let her choose her own faith as she grows up.

But I can't disappoint my husband, not with that look on his face.

"I'll let you guys see the whole Malaysia. I promise."

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The End

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Thank you for reading!! :) :)