Layers Of Grief

The Beginning of Us

: Late September :

"Sebastian?"

"Yes Evelyn?"

"Are you trying to murder me?"

Sebastian turned a full 180 degrees, and gave me an exasperated look. "What?" His face displayed confusion with a hint of amusement slipping into his hazel eyes.

"Well, I didn't imagine our first date to be out here, in the middle of the woods, away from civilization." I stated, taking dramatic pauses between each phrase before I continued.

"You know how obsessed I am with those homicide documentaries. This looks like the type of place you'd bring someone if you wanted them gone for good."

Sebastian stood still, his smile slowly creeping onto his chiseled features. His laughter rung through the tranquil woods, sounding boistorious and joyfilled. He slightly shook his head to the side, pretending to wipe his eyes, as if what he heard was absouletly farcical. I crossed my arms and gave him the blankest look I could muster, while not trying to laugh along with him.

I never would have thought his laugh and exuberant smile would be the qualities I would miss most about him.

"No Ev," I raised an eyebrow as he continued, "you're the last person I would ever want gone."

Que the jaw-dropping smile.

I sighed in defeat and uncrossed my arms, taking two steps forward so I was standing beside him. For a moment, we both just stood there, gazing at one another. 

I stared up at his towering figure and let a closed-lip half smile make its way onto my face. I knew he wasn't lying when he said that I was the last person he wanted gone. I was, quite literally, all he had left.

He was your typical 'football star with a troubled home'. I didn't believe in those labels people would give him. I saw through all the bullshit he use to give me. When he said he was 'okay', I knew it wasn't because he didn't want attention. It was to protect himself from someone hurting him again, by coming into his life then leaving within the next few months.

I saw through him because I was going through the same thing, but in different circumstances. I wouldn't ever consider us hopeless and broken people. We were 'trying-people'. We always tried to make this life better. We just knew we tried a bit harder when we have each other. I couldn't be happier to have him in my life; and proud of what he has accomplished.

I would always be proud of him.

"Ev?" My eyes slighly fluttered as he reeled me out of my thoughts. My eyes refocused on his, and I could see a slight wall being built behind those orbs. I slightly arched my eyebrow as I studied his body language. It didn't scream 'murderer', but he did seem tense. His shoulders were slightly stiff, based on the tightness at the top of his shirt, and his figure had gone from relaxed to exceedingly still.

I learned that Sebastian isn't someone you should press for information, even when you know something is wrong. It makes him doubtful and uneasy. I knew that whatever was on his mind, he would tell me sooner or later.

Sebastian paused for a slight moment, seeming almost frozen in time before snapping back to reality. "Anyway, we're almost there."

My eyebrows scrunched together in slight confusion. I was tempted to ask 'almost where?' but refrained from doing so. He wasn't going to blatantly tell me. It always has to be a mystery with Sebastian.

He knew I loved a good mystery.

We treaded further into the woods. I couldn't lie, it was eerie. You couldn't hear any traffic; no signs of life at all in fact-, but it didn't bother me. I felt relaxed towards the comfortable silence.

I soon took notice that the tress were starting to become scarce and more spread out. I turned my head from side to side, observing the landscape, trying to find how it's significant to Sebastian.

Just a few steps later, we were standing in a small oval shaped clearing. Trees marked the perimeter of the clearing. It looked like a tree on the far side of the clearing had toppled over and now laid upon the ground, directly in the middle. Moss and dead leaves surrounded the fallen tree. Sebastian slowly walked towards the fallen tree, and took a seat on top.

He gestured with his hand, by patting to the space in front of him, to come join him.

Without hesitation, I did so. After hopping up and adjusting myself into a comforatble position, I looked up to Sebastian.

I could tell he was back to debating in his head. I patiently waited, by grabbing his right hand with my left one. The small gesture relaxed his shoulders, and a sigh came out of his mouth. His head fell forward slightly and he closed his eyes, taking in the moment.

Even the smallest of gestures could relax him, but only when it came to me.

My eyes flickered around him as I traced small circles with my thumb on the top of his callused knuckles.

I silently scooted closer, trying not to scrape against the bark of the dead tree. I didn't want to disturb the silence.

I slowly lifted my free hand up and caressed his cheek. He pressed his cheek into my hand, and it was only then did I feel the wetness across it.

I was shocked to say the least. His defense came down and he was weak, showing me his true emotions. Something rare.

My lips formed a sad smile, and I whispered, "It's okay Seb. I'm right here, and will always be here for you, even when you're as weak as glass or as strong as a brick wall."

His tears streamed faster.

"You're not alone anymore Sebastian."

His arms were wrapped around me faster than I could register it. He lifted me up and onto his lap, and gripped me like his life depened on it.

And if his life were to depend on it, I would make sure he'd never let go.

I wrapped my legs around his torso and my arms around his neck, holding him tightly. I buried my head into his neck, as he did the same with me.

The warmth was comforting, and his scent was intoxicating. I let out a long breath through my nose and ran my hand through his hair, soothing him to the best of my ability.

I knew I couldn't do much. I didn't need to. I didn't fully understand what was going on his head, but I did know that didn't matter.

Sometimes knowing why isn't important.

What I did know is that this place is important, and in a way, sacred to him. Showing me this place, probably took a great amount of trust. All that matters is being here for him, being his rock.

I stayed. I held him as he let go of all his worries through small tear drops.

I knew in this moment, this is where the love for him started.