Weirdness and Wendip (Book 1)

Keep your friends close

Chapter dedicated to Maximilien for being the most logical man I know.

(Ford's point of view. I think the point of view thing works but I'm going to try and be careful whilst doing it. We cut back to Dipper and Ford as they stand on top of a marshmallow hill.)

I looked down as I realised the helplessness of our situation, we had no way of locating Wendy in this vast open world. I felt for Dipper. He was clearly in love with her however much he tried to hide it and I was scared for him more than I was for myself. Being in this crazy world the journals would be next to useless as would most notions of science. I looked up to see Dipper gazing up at the bubble floating some great distance above us. He was deep in concentration.

"Ford, do you think the bubble is rotating? I can just about see it through the haze of objects surrounding it."

I squinted up at the bubble. There did appear to be heat spots on its membrane and you could about just track their rotation. Dipper continued.

"If we work out the bubble's angular velocity and then use how long ago Wendy came through the bubble, we could perhaps deduce where she will have approximately landed." I smiled at him. True, he'd made lots of assumptions about the bubble's geometry and the process of entering and exiting it but I hadn't thought of the idea. In fact I was quite amazed by the way he'd composed himself and come to a clever solution. I responded.

"I think that's an excellent idea." I withdrew a complicated instrument from my back pack. The H.V.F.A (High velocity firearm), quickly assembled it's long metallic pipes and placed a huge blue ink capsule in the loading chamber. Pulling the trigger, I subconsciously braced for the recoil. With a loud bang, the projectile hurtled upwards and exploded on the surface of the bubble before expanding to a fixed size. The blue blob rotated around the bubble before coming back into view about five minutes later. Now turning to Dipper I saw he'd been busy preparing the relevant formula on pad he'd brought, he'd also sketched out our surrounding landscape including it's prominent features and plotted a line through it where Wendy could have landed.

Another five minutes later and by using how long ago Wendy had fell through the bubble we concluded that she was likely situated on the nearer shore of the vast white lake in the distance. We set off in earnest, having packed the H.V.F.A away, above us the blue tumour on the bubbles surface continued to spin. I looked at Dipper, his face set in grim determination.

"You should tell her you know, that you love her. Wendy that is." I spoke.

Dipper's face softened. "Oh Ford, I already have. She told me she was too old for me and that it wouldn't work." I frowned before continuing.

"Sorry Dipper I didn't know, I should really come out the basement and talk to you kids more often. I just thought that with all the half glances and occasional stares she gives you, that..." Dipper looked towards me. His cheeks slightly red. "That... that you had a chance with her. Loves no exact science but I thought my observations and conclusions were valid." Dipper shrugged and smiled.

"Thanks Ford, I'll talk to her and ask her again when we get her back." He giggled slightly thinking about what I'd said and then his expression hardened again as he realised the danger we were all in again.

Occasionally, conversing about the scenery and the odd creatures that inhabited it we worked our way towards the milk white lake. We passed a field made of red iron, its edges bolted into the ground. Upon them lumbered large metallic deer like creatures, their gears grinding and steam whistling from the cracks between their joints, most were gathered round a large oil reservoir which they drank from. Beneath these giants scurried robotic mice on thin wheels. Later on a small forest of mushrooms, a giant chess set, the carcass of a massive fly with tiny winged pigs buzzing around it, a flock of purple birds, an expanse made of minus seven dollars bills, an advertising billboard for the Nintendo virtual boy, a small chess set...

It was too much to take in. We'd been amazed so many times in the last hour we decided to ignore it and talk about the real world again. That was until we arrived at the shore. Dipper dipped his finger before sniffing it.

"No tell tale smell." he said. He was about to taste it, "No Dipper!" I grabbed his wrist just inches away from his face took his finger and rubbed the liquid into the C.D.U.5000 (Cellular decomposition unit). I waited for the result still clutching Dipper's arm. The result pinged up on the screen. The liquid was filled with bacterium and DNA strands, before the ribbons of DNA were unpicked by the bacteria and left in two strings. I wiped my brow, very relieved that I'd caught Dipper just in time.

"My goodness Dipper, a devolution liquid. I theorised something like this could exist under the correct conditions. " A fin broke the surface of the water briefly. Dipper frowned.

"So how can something like that exist then?" Dipper wondered aloud.

"It's probably evolving at the same rate of devolution. Who knows how these weird ecosystems maintain equilibrium." I responded. " I wish I could take some of this back home with me. I do hope Wendy didn't fall in this."

Suddenly, I was aware of a presence behind me. I whirled around to see two huge playing card balanced on their ends, spears leaning against them.

"Greetings travellers!" A voice boomed from the card on the left "You are requested to dine with our glorious leader this afternoon. He has another traveller in his presence, a girl by the name of Wendy and knows that you seek her. Do not fear she is safe and our leader harbours no ill content towards you." I frowned, it was a strange greeting but it was friendly. I turned to Dipper whose eyes had lit up at the mention of Wendy. He answered for us.

"Can you take us there Jack of hearts?"

"Why of course I can but who is this Jack of hearts you speak of?" I rolled my eyes, I already knew this was going somewhere weird. A Siamese cat walked round the base of the card glanced up it and concluded. "Damn, I've picked up the wrong armour again."

Twenty minutes later we arrived at an Italian themed piazza. Customers of all species ordinary and extra ordinary were slurping on their drinks from the many restaurants and cafes dotted around the perimeter. Classical music emanated from a bistro. On one side of the square the devolution lake glistened in the sunlight and lapped gently at the raised town. In the middle of the piazza stood a fantastically large motor home to which Dipper and myself were led inside. The two Siamese cats left their playing cards at the door. A third cat stood in a doorway of another room of the entrance.

"Our great and conquering leader will see you now." The cat said with a slight bow. We entered the room. It was decorated in a Victorian style with elegant flowing carpets, decadent furniture and a beautiful carved wooden fireplace on one wall. It would of been a wonderful room if it wasn't for the fact it was upside down. Laughter echoed from behind a grand piano suspended upon the ceiling. It was a laugh that I knew and feared all too well. The laughter stopped.

"Fordsy, Pine Tree; aren't you two a sight for sore eyes." The hyper cackling of a dream demon filled the room once again.