Weirdness and Wendip (Book 1)

Stroganoff, Shields and the end of the Universe

Dipper's point of view. Chapter dedicated to Edward, or to Edwardo as he likes to be known.

After we'd decided to make a deal with Bill he laid out his plan and it went like so. Taking with us some provisions, we'd ride ride out to the rookery, a mountainous area comprised of tins and other scrap metal. There we would find the biggest fish. These fish also had the ability to talk and were apparently documented as citizens of Last Tuesday as of the previous census (Last Wednesday). Bill explained that he could persuade one of the fish to take us up towards the bubble and we'd be able to leap through. I was uneasy. Surely there was another way which didn't resort to fish. But with Ford and Wendy persuaded we set off. 

We rid on pair of Compleenee, a large animal roughly the size of a horse and of similar colour; a light brown in our case. Its head similar to that of a mouse with more squished compact features and its back was like netting. It was much the same feeling as sitting in the middle of a trampoline. Several of the Siamese cats in ornamental armour marched alongside us. I sat facing Wendy whilst Ford and Bill conversed on another mount of a redder hue. We currently travelled across a large plain of sour cream and sauteed beef. It squelched as we passed over it.  I looked at Wendy. She was clearly quite embarrassed.

"Dipper, did you really mean what you said, about my freckles?" Her face a light red, it highlighted her freckles even more but I tried to push this thought out of my mind. I tugged on my collar nervously, this was going to be a long ride.

"Ummm, errrr, I kind of had to..." I said quite timidly. I tried to play it cool just in case I still had a chance of being with Wendy in the future. She looked away and placed her hand over her mouth as if trying to hide a smile. I felt my cheeks heat up even more. "Come on Wendy that's not fair. I had no choice."

"No, Dipper I wasn't laughing, I just thought it was nice thing to say. Thank you. Plus when you're embarrassed you look really cut..." She stopped herself from finishing. That was odd. It sounded like she was about to say cute. I started.

"Wendy were you about to say..."

"Woaah Dipper, look at that." To our right a huge shiny ball appeared to be gliding towards us. "Do you think we should be worried? Bill!" She screamed. "Giant shiny ball at three o clock." Bill cackled from the other Compleenee and said.

"Get down with the cats. This is where the fun begins." We jumped down quickly and stood between the Siamese. With the timing of a military unit all of the cats raised their playing cards creating a protective shell with us four in the middle. The Compleenee had laid on their backs so that only their scaled bellies were shown. Then the noise began. 

Clang

Clang

Smash

Through the gaps in the shields I could see flashes of silver, concave and convex shapes reflecting the light. The assault lasted perhaps ten minutes and finished with an almighty clang. The cats lowered their shields and we could survey the devastation. Cutlery littered the ground. I picked up a spoon which had land close by. It wriggled in my hand before darting away, I watched it go.

"Now that I did not expect today." Wendy shrugged her shoulders, picked up a fork and ate a little of the thick stew on which we were standing. "Mmmm, not too bad. Needs a little pepper." I chuckled. She really did take it all in her stride. The glistening piles of tin were in sight. We clambered back aboard the Compleenee who seemed to have taken the whole incident very well. I offered my hand to help Wendy up. She took it. I heard Bill laugh again.

"Ha ha ha, don't get too comfy Pine Tree they'll probably be more danger before we get there." As if on cue the world began to shake. "See Pine Tree, some more madness." 

The entire universe split at one point. Directly where we were standing. A gaping hole formed between our two beast with lots of the cats including Sylvester plunging into the darkness. It grew in size. A hundred feet, two hundred feet and further. We watched Bill and Ford grow more distant. 

"Ford!" I screamed. 

"Don't worry Dipper, I'll see you s..." and he was no longer in earshot. I collapsed into the hammock like support of the Compleenee. It hadn't panicked at this tectonic activity for some reason. I looked across at Wendy. Her eyes were a little moist and she looked away.

"Wendy its OK. We can still get out of this." I tried to put on a brave face.

"Come here Dipper." She whispered, her voice gave it away that she was close to tears. I crawled across to her. Suddenly her arms were around me and I was gripped in a tight hug. I tried to cheer her up.

"Wendy, its not the end of the world." This was some gallows humour. She pulled me closer. We must have stayed that way for about an hour. Maybe forty minutes in it went dark and just a bit chillier. She took off her jacket and covered us in it. 

SMASH!

It was the loudest noise either of us had ever heard. It rumbled for the next five minutes and the ground shook until it dissipated away. A yellow light bobbed over to us and an eye glanced down, it expanded with apparent delight.

"Pine Tree, Ice Bag you do crack me up." Bill doubled over and rolled around on the floor in a fit of laughter. Me and Wendy jumped away from the beast to find Ford and the remaining Siamese on standing their. 

"What on earth was that Ford?" Ford answered. He'd clearly had an hour to think.

"When we arrived in this universe. The gravitational field was stable but with a large enough push would change. I believe our arrival was a large enough event to push the field to this solution. In summary we started off on the inside of a sphere and now we are on the outside with probably a model similar to that of the earth orbiting the sun. Much like puncturing a beach ball and turning it inside out. It probably split where we were because we were the triggering the event." He took a breath."Luckily this means the rookery is still close by. So we best get moving again."

We set off into the darkness, Bill's glowing body illuminating the way. Above a single star blossomed in the night sky. Me and Wendy gazed at it and she snuggled beside me again.