So where do I start. I haven't been ok. I've actually gotten worse. I snapped at my dad I said I hated him and to my sister I told her I didn't need her presence around anymore. Being honest though I fucking miss my dad and sister. I hate our new family with my stepmom and kids. My dad never even messages me and thinks I can pay for everything myself like if I want a pair of shoes. I haven't left my grandma's and he's the reason. I miss my sister so much but she's occupied with her friends, sports, and her millions of boyfriends. I keep telling her to stop but she doesn't listen. My family hates me and doesn't even want to talk to me. Oh and yeah I forgot how I was touched by someone in my family. I'm screaming inside but no one hears. Ive had trouble sleeping and get nightmares alot and I've been hallucinating lately I'm terrified of sleeping now.I feel sad and drugs are my only friend. What made me feel sadder was watching my friends talk with other people. They always do that but it was like slow motion and I never realized it but without me I don't think they would care or feel empty because their popular I'm not. I was just the shy girl like welcomed in their group. I'm just done my doctor's appointment is tomorrow and I'm gonna tell them how I tried killing myself four times by overdose and thought of harming myself next. See you guys soon.