BOOK

chap.39

Have you guys ever felt like you weren't good enough? Like your not as thin or pretty to be even near someone. I don't know what's wrong with me but my dad's ignoring me ever since the doctor told him i need to go see a therapist. He's been pretending like I don't even exist and as if I'm crazy. My grandma is constantly worried because she understood what I had and she thought why could such a once happy person get such a terrible illness. The doctors explained everything and all I could do was look away as if the world stopped and I blocked everyone out. I felt guilty.

I'm going to the therapist next week. I'm just hoping my dad will accept what I'm going through. I wonder some days what my life could have been like if my mother was still around. My sister hates her for leaving but all I can say is how bad I want her to come back. Some nights I lay in bed with the TV turned off and I just lay there in the silence and cry myself to sleep. All I can think is why she left? When I needed her the most.

It's sad because I pretend my mom's still with us at school. I tell them lies like how she travels alot and is from Greece. How when she comes home we prepare her a welcome home dinner every time. People I know still have their mothers or still see her. I don't know why but sometimes I wish it could have been my dad that left.

I remember seeing my mom at the visiting care center. She was so beautiful. Now all I see from those memories is blurry images of her. I really wish I could see her. On the bright side I've fallen for a girl. She's so cute and sweet and cares about me so much. I may even love her. I think she even likes me back she's always holding my hand and I can't help but feel safe with her. At least now I know I'm deeply and madly in love with girls too.