Fear of a Name

Chapter Thirty-Six: The Argument

Harry and Ron were still angry at Hermione when lessons started again just after New Year.

"Come on guys, why can't you just make up with her?" I said for what must've been the hundredth time as we were gathering up some dry wood from the outskirts of the forest.
"They can't just strip down a brand new Firebolt! It's criminal damage!" said Ron. He'd given me the same reply every time I asked, so I don't know what I was expecting.
"It's not!" I said, exasperated. "Do you remember what happened to me on Halloween? Do you remember what Sirius did to me?"
"Yeah," said Harry as we started to walk back to the bonfire full of salamanders we'd been collecting the wood for, "but we don't even know if my Firebolt was even sent by him. It could've been almost anyone."

I growled in frustration.
"Hermione just doesn't want to see you get hurt, Harry! And for all you know, Sirius could've sent it, so it's probably best to get it checked for jinxes and such anyway." I didn't mention the fact that if Sirius had bought the broom for Harry, he certainly wouldn't have jinxed it.
"Fine, side with Hermione!" Ron practically yelled. "I knew you would!"
"I wasn't—"
"Oh, get lost," he snapped, then he stormed away, back to the Care of Magical Creatures lesson.

"I suppose you're mad at me as well now?" I said to Harry, irrational anger coursing through my body.
"No, I—"
"Going to blame me as well as Hermione now just because we actually care about your safety?"
"I—"
"Why don't you just run along to your friend and whine about how unfair your life is," I spat.

"I'm not—"
"You might not have noticed, but life isn't fair," I hissed, the anger completely taking hold now. "I'd have thought that friends would mean more to you than a stupid broomstick, but obviously I was wrong. No, apparently the Boy Who Lived is above friends, he's far more into possessions."
"What? No, I—"

"You're pathetic!" I yelled suddenly. "You're pathetic, and I can't believe I ever thought of you as a friend!"
"Well if that's how you feel, I'm glad we're not friends anymore!" Harry spat back. "I don't want to be friends with the daughter of Voldemort anyway!" And with that, he turned his back on me and walked away, back to the rest of the class, leaving me alone.

"I'm an idiot," I whispered to myself. My anger had totally evaporated at the mention of my father. "I've just lost my friends over a broomstick. A broomstick."
I threw my wood at a tree in frustration.
"I should've just kept my mouth shut!"
I walked into the forest, not paying any attention to where I was going, not caring if I got lost. Right now, all I wanted was to be with Harry, Ron and Hermione, laughing and joking about. As this wasn't possible though, I wanted to be alone.

I came to a stop when I reached a clearing, deep in the forest.
"I'm pathetic... I'm weak-minded and I'm pathetic... I shouldn't have lost my temper like that..." I said, my voice trembling slightly. "If I'd just stayed quiet... if I'd just stayed calm..."
A single tear rolled down my cheek, and I wiped it away quickly as I sat in the shadow of a great oak tree.
"This is all my fault..." My voice had dropped to barely a whisper now. "This is all my fault."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I must've fallen asleep, because the next thing I knew, I was lying on the ground with sunlight almost blinding me, it was so bright. I groaned and sat up, rubbing my eyes sleepily.
"Why in Merlin's name am I here?" I mumbled, trying to remember what'd happened before I fell asleep.
Then everything came flooding back to me.
"Oh."
I sighed sadly, then started to walk towards the castle, thinking about the argument and all the things I could've done to prevent it.

As I reached the entrance hall, I took a quick glance at the clock on the wall. 11:23 am.
"Oh Merlin, I'm late for potions!" I yelped. "But I don't have my book with me..."
I did some quick mental calculations to decide what would make Snape more angry with me — turning up halfway through the lesson and without my book, or turning up later than that but with my book.
Probably being later but with my book will make him more angry. I can always share someone else's book.
Having come to this conclusion, I started to run down to the potions classroom.

(A/n: sorry this is chapter's kinda short, I'll try to make the next one longer!)