Fear of a Name

Chapter Sixty-Nine: How it Happened

Sirius was frowning slightly at Hermione, but not as though he was annoyed with her. He seemed to be pondering his answer.

"I don't know how I did it," he said slowly. "I think the only reason I never lost my mind is that I knew I was innocent. That wasn't a happy thought, so the Dementors couldn't suck it out of me... but it kept me sane and knowing who I am... helped me keep my powers... so when it all became... too much... I could transform in my cell... become a dog. Dementors can't see, you know..." he swallowed. "They feel their way towards people by sensing their emotions... they could tell that my feelings were less — less human, less complex when I was a dog... but they thought, of course, that I was losing my mind like everyone else in there, so it didn't trouble them. But I was weak, very weak, and I had no hope of driving them away from me without a wand...

"But then, Fudge came to inspect Azkaban last year. He had a paper... I asked for it, said I missed doing the crossword... he gave it to me... and then I saw this." He took a crumpled piece of paper out from the inside of his robes, smoothed it flat, then held it out to show us all. It was a photo from a newspaper. There was a large group of people in it, and as I looked closely, I saw Ron, Ginny, Fred, George, and Percy, as well as a few other people. It must've been the whole Weasley family.
"I don't—" Harry started to say, but Sirius pointed to Ron in the photo. There, on his shoulder, was Pettigrew — in his rat form, of course.

"I knew it was Peter immediately... how many times had I seen him transform?" Sirius continued. "And the caption said the boy would be going back to Hogwarts... to where Harry was... I realised Peter was perfectly positioned to act, if one hint reached his ears that the Dark Side was gathering strength again..."
Pettigrew was shaking his head, mouthing noiselessly, but staring all the while at Sirius as though hypnotised.
"...ready to strike the moment he could be sure of allies... to deliver the last Potter to them. If he gave them Harry, who'd dare say he betrayed Lord Voldemort? He'd be welcomed back with honours... though, of course, he wanted to wait until Voldemort was more powerful before he did that...

"So you see, I had to do something. I thought I was the only one who knew Peter was still alive..."
"Thought?" Hermione said quickly. "You mean, there were others who knew, but who said nothing?"
Sirius nodded.
"Who?"
"That would be me," I said.

"You knew?" Harry said accusingly. "You knew all this time and you never told anyone?"
"I was six when I found out, and my father threatened me with extreme pain and then death," I said matter-of-factly. "I defy you to have done anything other than keep quiet about it."
There was a silence.
"Anyway, that's not important," I said eventually, motioning for Sirius to continue with his story.

Sirius nodded, then said, "It was as if someone had lit a fire in my head, and the Dementors couldn't destroy it... it wasn't a happy feeling... it was an obsession... but it gave me strength, it cleared my mind. So, one night when they opened my door to bring food, I slipped past them as a dog... it's so much harder for them to sense animal emotions that they were confused... I was thin, very thin... thin enough to slip through the bars... I swam as a dog back to the mainland... I journeyed north and slipped into the Hogwarts grounds as a dog... I've been living in the forbidden forest ever since... except when I come to watch the quidditch, of course... you fly as well as your father did, Harry..."

He looked at Harry, who did not look away.
"Believe me," croaked Sirius. "Believe me, I never betrayed James and Lily. I would have died before I betrayed them."
And at long last, Harry seemed to believe him. He nodded.

"No!"
Pettigrew had fallen to his knees as though Harry's nod had been his own death sentence. He shuffled forward on his knees, grovelling, his hands clasped in front of him as though praying.
"Sirius — it's me... it's Peter... your friend... you wouldn't..."
Sirius kicked out, and Pettigrew recoiled.
"There's enough filth on my robes without you touching them," said Sirius.

"Remus!" Pettigrew squeaked, turning to Lupin instead, writhing imploringly in front of him. "You don't believe this... Wouldn't Sirius have told you they'd changed the plan?"
"Not if he thought I was the spy, Peter," said Lupin. "I assume that's why you didn't tell me, Sirius?" he said casually over Pettigrew's head.
"Forgive me, Remus," said Sirius.
"Not at all, Padfoot, old friend," said Lupin, who was now rolling up his sleeves. "And will you, in turn, forgive me for believing you were the spy?"
"Of course," said Sirius, and the ghost of a grin flitted across his gaunt face. He, too, began rolling up his sleeves. "Shall we kill him together?"
"Yes, I think so," Lupin said grimly.

"You wouldn't... you wouldn't..." gasped Pettigrew, and he scrambled around to Ron.
"Ron... haven't I been a good friend... a good pet? You won't let them kill me, Ron, will you... you're on my side, aren't you?"
But Ron was staring at Pettigrew with the utmost revulsion.
"I let you sleep in my bed!" he said.
"Kind boy... kind master..." Pettigrew crawled towards Ron, "you won't let them do it... I was your rat... I was a good pet..."
"If you made a better rat than human, it's not much to boast about, Peter," said Sirius harshly.

Ron, getting paler and paler, wrenched his leg out of Pettigrew's reach. When I looked a little closer, I could see it was broken. Pettigrew turned on his knees, staggered forwards, and seized the hem of Hermione's robes.
"Sweet girl... clever girl... you — you won't let them... help me..."
Hermione pulled her robes out of Pettigrew's clutching hands and backed away against the wall, looking horrified.

Pettigrew knelt, trembling uncontrollably, and turned his head slowly towards Harry.
"Harry... Harry... you look just like your father... just like him..."
"HOW DARE YOU SPEAK TO HARRY?" roared Sirius. "HOW DARE YOU FACE HIM? HOW DARE YOU TALK ABOUT JAMES IN FRONT OF HIM?"
"Harry..." whispered Pettigrew, shuffling towards him, hands outstretched, "Harry, James wouldn't have wanted me killed... James would have understood, Harry... he would have shown me mercy..."

Both Sirius and Lupin strode forwards, seized Pettigrew's shoulders, and threw him backwards onto the floor. He sat there, twitching with terror, staring up at them.
"You sold Lily and James to Voldemort," said Sirius, who was shaking too. "Do you deny it?"