Fear of a Name

Chapter Fifty: Nightmares

"P-please! I-I'm sorry, please don't hurt me!"

The words had been echoing in my head all day. I'd heard someone say them in another nightmare. A girl. I was almost certain it was the same girl I'd heard being tortured before; I'd had a lot of nightmares recently where I'd heard her being hurt.

It was the Easter holidays, and I was completely stressed out. On top of worrying about the nightmares which haunted me every time I went to sleep, the teachers had given us loads of homework in preparation for our exams, which would be in June. I knew I couldn't just charm my quill to do it all for me this time... mainly because Hermione would be on my case about it, and right now I really couldn't be coping with her constant talk about how I needed to be doing it myself or I'd never pass the exams.

Speaking of Hermione, she had more to do than the rest of us. Even without Divination, she was taking more classes than anyone else. She was usually the last to leave the common room each night, and the first to arrive at the library the next morning. She had shadows under her eyes, and seemed constantly close to tears.

Ron had taken over responsibility for Buckbeak's appeal. When he wasn't doing his own work, he was absorbed in enormously thick volumes with names like The Handbook of Hippogriff Psychology and Fowl or Foul? A Study of Hippogriff Brutality.
I was trying to help as much as possible, but my lack of sleep from the nightmares was taking its toll on me. I'd often find myself lying in bed at night, forcing myself to stay awake so I didn't have to listen to the screams.

"P-please! I-I'm sorry, please don't hurt me!"

I shook my head to try and stop those words echoing endlessly through my mind, but it was hopeless. No matter what I did, they wouldn't stop.

"Ivory, are you ok?"
I snapped quickly out of my thoughts and looked to see who was talking to me. It was Harry, climbing through the portrait hole and walking over to me, looking fairly irritated.
"Hi, Harry," I said with a strained smile. "Yeah, I'm ok, just a bit stressed with all this work. How was Quidditch practice?"
"Awful." He sat down on the sofa next to me. "Wood spent the whole time reminding me that I couldn't catch the snitch until we're more than fifty points up in the Gryffindor-Slytherin game."

"Why's that?" I asked. I hadn't been following any of the the Quidditch matches since Harry fell off his broom, so I had no idea what was going on with it.
"We're exactly two hundred points behind Slytherin, and they're leading the tournament," he explained. "If I catch the snitch before we're more than fifty points up, we'll win the match but Slytherin'll win the Cup."
"Right," I said, absentmindedly doodling on the corner of my Transfiguration essay.

"Ivory, why've you written 'The best way to transfigure nightmares is screaming'?" Ron asked, appearing suddenly and reading my homework over my shoulder.
"What? I didn't write—" I looked down at the parchment and read the last couple of sentences.
'The best way to transfigure nightmares is screaming. When you do this, the tip of your wand glows red for a second and the necklace goes cold.'
"Oh."

Harry and Ron shared a look as I hastily tapped the words with my wand and removed those sentences. There was a brief silence, then Harry said, "Ivory, we're both worried about you. So's Hermione."
I sighed quietly and dipped my quill into my ink pot, trying to think of what to write.
"There's really no need to be."
"'Mione said you've been thrashing around in your sleep a lot lately," Ron said, sitting down in an armchair opposite Harry and me.
I looked up at him, frowning slightly.

"C'mon Ivory, what's wrong?" Harry said. "You always seem so distracted lately, like... like you've just been given back half your memories or something."
I shook my head.
"Honestly, it's nothing. I've just been having nightmares, most likely from the stress of all this work," I muttered.
"It can't be the work, you've been like this for a while now," Ron said. "Since the day you found out about Buckbeak and Snape gave you that detention for no reason."
"But you've been a lot worse recently," Harry added.

"I'm fine guys, honestly," I said, giving up on my Transfiguration essay and stuffing it into my pocket, followed by my quill and my ink, making sure the latter was closed properly before doing so.
"Ivory, you're obviously not fine."
"I am, Ron, seriously. You guys worry too much," I said, standing up. "I've gotta go do a thing now."
"Want us to come with you?" Harry asked, apparently oblivious to the fact I just wanted to get away from any further conversation about my nightmares.
"No thanks, see you later, bye," I said quickly, then I climbed out of the portrait hole and started to walk. Where I was going, I didn't know, but I knew I needed to sort out my thoughts.

"Ron's right," I muttered to myself as I was walking. "I started having these nightmares the day I found out about Buckbeak. But what triggered them? I'm sure it wasn't actually because of Buckbeak, and it definitely wasn't the detention, I'd already had a nightmare by then..."
I thought for a while, before suddenly remembering the conversation I'd had with Lupin after he'd taken the Marauders Map from Harry. We'd talked about the Death Eater who'd tried to help me — that must've been what triggered the nightmares.

"Is mistress Ivory alright?"
I looked down to see about ten house elves crowded around me.
"Yeah, I'm fine," I said, before checking where I'd ended up. As I'd suspected when I saw the house elves, I'd absentmindedly walked down to the kitchens.
"Can Lulu get mistress Ivory anything?" one of them asked.
"A bottle of Butterbeer please," I said with a smile.
Lulu quickly got it for me, then said, "Can Lulu get anything else for Mistress Ivory?"
I shook my head. "No, that's all. Thanks, Lulu."

I went over to a worn armchair in the corner of the room and sat down.
"I might be here for a while," I told all the house elves who were watching me. "Feel free to go back to your work."
They all did so, and I sighed quietly. I had a lot I needed to think about.