is this what you wanted? You know I'm no good at this stuff. I broke it off with my boyfriend, only because every other phrase out of his mouth would be sexual. And i'm not all about that. It got old real quick.
As of recently, i've been a lot more lonely than usual. I front and act like a hard ass, when in reality, all I want is attention from a soundcloud rapper. And it's getting to the point where I get jealous of other girls he tweets. He likes my tweets, responds, likes my insta pictures, likes my comments on his pictures. Like he knows who I am. I'm wasting my time at this point. And to top it all off, he has a new girlfriend. And she looks just like the girl that manipulated me for 3+ years. I can't look at him the same. Sometimes, I try so hard to get his attention, and impress him, and it makes me so mad that I could cry.
There's no need to call me crazy, because I know. Who in their right mind would want to deal with me? I can't even deal with myself. Now I know why my friends leave after a while. It's my mental health, and I can't control it. I have anger issues as well, and bad ones as a matter of fact. I guess you could say, I'm not doing too good.
I have a legit crush, and it hasn't even been a week since I started liking her, and she already rejected me. From this day on, I need to do things for myself, there's nothing i can do.
I need like 500 cigarettes right now. Overall, I'm not doing good. Academically, mentally, socially, nothing I do is right. And I see you in the hallway and I still wish I was there, with you. Under the big oak tree, your hands in mine, in the pouring rain, everything was perfect. We locked hands and ran through the rain to shelter, you gave me your jacket. You got picked up by your dad. I remember it so clearly. I walked home in the rain, crying. Not because I was sad. I was so damn happy in the moment. I clutched the bear you won me. To this day it still is sat upon the shelf in my room. I remember listening to modern baseball and crying in the rain.
