my god i wanna kiss you so bad. i wanna be with you. but things are so complicated. i've heard three different stories. three. i just wanna be cuddled up next to you. if only i had the balls. i really wish i could kiss you all over. just feel your lips on mine. it may be wrong but i don't care at all. i really don't. i just wanna wrap my arms around you and listen to music. i miss the innocence. the sweet kisses, the late night phone calls, the cuddles, i miss it all. i'm so upset at myself. why would i let myself get this deep. it nothing serious. but i wish it was. the way your pupils dilate when i look into your ocean eyes. you know none of this. and i wanna keep it that way. i wanna hideaway in a place far away and unknown. where none of you people will find me. i just want to know what goes trough your mind when you hear my name. i wanna know what you're thinking. i want you to be mine. but i know i have to give it time. and that's the worst thing. the bitch of it all is that i hate myself. i hate my appearance. i have nothing left to lose, really. i'm in way over my head and i hate it. nothing means shit anymore. i just wish it all would go away. if you'd just kiss my lips and tell me how beautiful i am maybe, just maybe, i'd feel better. all of my past experiences have turned out bad, oh god not again. Why me? I just don't understand why now? why did you come into my life? i know that everything happens for a reason, so what is it? to heal me? to hurt me? i just wish you knew the beauty you hold. the way your lips curve when you smile. the way your eyes light up when you see me. just the way you talk, so inviting. i wanna know what it feels like to fall in love with someone. and i want that someone to be you. but under recent circumstances i don't think that it would work. maybe i'm desperate, maybe i'm out of my mind, maybe you're all i think about when i get high. whenever i close my eyes at night and when i open them at dawn. you're on my mind...and i hate it. why do you do this to me. your aura is so comforting. i could write a whole novel on how special you are. i hope you never figure this out. i cant fuck this up. not this time. it's happened too many damn times, i don't think i'll be able to handle it. you're always so down about yourself it saddens me. you just don't see what i see do you? The way you're so comfortable around me. and you're comfortable enough to call me crying on the phone. it warms my heart, really. i just hope you feel the same way, i'm just too damn shy to find out for myself.
