i honestly wish i would've never downloaded tinder again. i met this beautiful boy. he made me see the world in a whole new light. i'm not religious, but before i met him, i prayed that i'd find somebody. then he came along. i'd drive hours to go see him. to be with him. we'd always smoke a blunt in the woods together. then we'd go back to his place and cuddle. he would always tell me how beautiful i was. and how good i was to him. he showed me new things. he sparked my interest in art. he was supportive of my music. he was everything to me. but he lied. and i was stupid enough to believe it. turns out this beautiful boy was a beautiful lie. he had been seeing another girl. and when she found out about me, i was the one to blame. it's not my fault that her boyfriend was on tinder. it's not my fault that he wanted me. or did he? i was so smitten with him i'd do anything. one day i drove 6 hours from town to town to pick him up, bring him to my house, take him back, and then i'd go back home. six. fucking. hours. i wasted two month of my life being a second choice. a side piece. i felt like a slut. even though we never did anything, we were making plans. he claimed he broke up with her for me. but i guess things fell through. i have all these messages he sent me, and i still reread them. he blocked me on everything, but i still have his number saved with the stupid butterfly emoji next to it. i wish i never met him. i wish i never gave him the power to break me. i was really starting to love that beautiful boy. i was falling in love with a mirage. i blame myself for loving too much. for falling too hard. my friends still send me screenshots of his instagram posts with her. just when i try to move on i see a picture of the two of them and it breaks my fucking heart. it shatters me. believe me when i say that i will never find the one. all i have now is my celebrity crushes and i already know i don't have a chance with them. no harm, no foul. (i guess?)
