Dirk Gently Oneshots

Valentines Day II

Bart didn't quite get the concept of Valentines Day, but decided to go with the flow and buy some gifts, anyway. She was in the area as well - Dirk and the other two that he brought with him everywhere probably wouldn't mind. She even got a gift for that one that had nearly killed her (her name began with an F?) which was very, very kind considering Bart hadn't even killed her.

Unfortunately, Bart's ideas for gifts were apparently 'barbaric' and 'cruel' - words that both came from Dirk who looked aghast upon receiving Christmas gifts - and therefore she had to refrain from buying any more to send to Riggins or the Blackwing team. Before she had seen Dirk's reaction, she had actually sent a gift to Frey by post (he was in Iceland or something) and was now regretting sending it, although Frey was likely to laugh it off and send a card in return.

She had turned up to the Detective Agency on Christmas Day and delivered Dirk's gift in person, genuinely thinking he would enjoy it and it would make them closer friends. Like a cat, she had brought him parts of a dead body - that was their common interest, was it not? He did his detective thing to find out who killed them, and she did the killing. Both of their lives included frequent murders.

"Barbaric," was the response she got after a series of wide eyes and shocked glancing from the present to her.

She had thought a little bit more carefully about their interests this time, for Valentine's Day. Thought that, perhaps she should think a little bit more about what they were like.

Farah was obvious - Guns and knives were her forte, and they were easy to come across in Bart's scheme of work, so that wasn't a problem. That Todd guy, the sidekick, he liked music, so Bart decided that she would get him an acoustic guitar and some sheet music (Nicking them from a store of course, she wouldn't sink down so low as to actually buy them).

And then Dirk. Dirk was....well, Dirk. Dirk was yellow and bright and beaming and whilst wandering around a supermarket debating what exactly to get him, Bart had a revelation. It was actually more of something coming into view and it was perfect. 'It' was a large, tacky garden gnome and for only £10, really it was quite cheap for how much Dirk was going to love it.

She hadn't expected it, the utter adoration and joy he had with that one gift that cost a tenner but it gave her hope that maybe her gift giving wasn't so bad after all. (Farah, on the other hand, hadn't had a great experience at all because Bart hadn't been able to give it to her in person, she had left the large knife stabbed into the reception desk, a scrawled note by the side reading "This reminded me of you," and it wasn't quite clear to Farah whether it was a declaration of war or simply a compliment, but took it rather nicely anyways). After all, what was a detective agency without a welcoming, tacky garden gnome that only one person loved and the others all hated?