Dirk Gently Oneshots

Valentine's Day

In honour of Valentine's Day, and credits to GeekyAndNerdyLottie for the suggestion, here is a Brotzly Valentine's Day oneshot.

hammingjusamur Valentine dagur!

~~~~~

It was worth giving it a try, Dirk theorised as he watched Todd from across the park. They had gone there for a case but Todd had decided, despite it being the middle of February, that he was going to have a go on the swings to warm up.

"Come and join me," Todd called, "It helps with the cold!"

Dirk smiled and gently shook his head - he was only partially cold, he had handled it before and he could definitely tolerate this. Besides, getting too close to Todd probably wouldn't be a very good idea - he was likely to do something he would regret, his confused state would make him babble words that he would undoubtedly reprimand himself for later.

So yes, staying on the bench was better.

Todd looked like a bit of a weirdo, a grown man alone on the swings while Dirk sat on the bench watching him like a typical parent would do - normally it would be the other way around. But horrifyingly, Dirk had been the one overthinking everything lately - these thoughts he was pondering weren't something the universe could help him with.

Evidently, Todd had noticed that something was wrong with Dirk, because although he hadn't said anything, there were little frowns that indicated he was concerned, and the eyebrow crinkle that Dirk loved because it was just so adorable.

Because, that was the problem. Dirk was falling for his best friend.

Todd had made it quite clear that he was straight, through kissing Farah at that party one time, implying they had a relationship but apparently, they had never made it official.

Dirk had been pondering it for weeks - was it platonic love he was feeling for the man? He wasn't sure whether he actually wanted to find out, so instead he clung to Farah and avoided contact with Todd, trailing after her as she attended to all the things she did for the detective agency that the other two weren't capable of doing. He kept an eye on Mona, too, who spent most of her time as an inanimate set of drawers but sometimes transformed and spoke a couple of words to Dirk (Farah was getting increasingly annoyed with the lack of...something that Mona seemed to not have, social skills or keeping a conversation going for more than a couple of seconds but Todd smiled and told her that, "When you prefer to be a chair or some drawers, life must become quite boring very quickly."

"Hence," Dirk had added, "Why she doesn't stay for long.")

But now they were on the Case of the Planes as Todd had dubbed it and Farah had gone away to do research by the airport where the plane had taken off in order to find out who had been on the plane. It was an extremely capable assassin who had been killed which was why they were quite concerned by who else had been on the plane.

Farah had gone and Dirk had had to come to the park with Todd because Dirk had been convinced the assassin was doing something here. He didn't want to admit to Todd that he felt that it wasn't the right time, because he wanted to continue watching Todd on the swing.

But Farah had left with a comment that had scared the wits out of him, "I'll be back the day after Valentine's Day," She nudged him. Dirk nodded. "Which gives you a chance."

"What do you mean?" Dirk eyed her inquisitively, unsure.

"Well you like him don't you?" Farah questioned, "I read the signs...sorry if I'm wrong but it really does look like it."

"I-I'm sorry, what?" asked Dirk, aghast. Did he like his best friend?

"Sorry, sorry," Farah threw her hands up in defence, "I was just saying, if you wanted to do anything, he'd probably go with it."

"You really think so?" Dirk was beginning to warm up to the idea.

She stared at him for a moment, "Jesus you are both clueless. Better be off! Have fun!"

And with that Farah had left him in a swarm of doubt. Questioning his feelings had taken up a good portion of his time - the case wasn't important (and after all it only had to be solved with arguable efficiency).

Eventually he told Todd that, "I don't think we have the right time," and that he was going to, "go into town for a bit to snoop around and see who's there, if you could stay put that'd be great."

Todd seemingly hadn't taken notice of the fact that it was Feb 14, and so Dirk was in the clear. Shooting off to the shopping area, he grabbed some typically cliche Valentine's Day items and dropped them off at the lodge they were staying in, then returned to the supermarket to purchase a selection of food and drink for them to indulge in, dropping that off at the lodge and then returning to the park with a hot drink to give to Todd.

"Thanks for the coffee," Todd muttered, now sitting back on the bench rather than swinging.

"Why the long face?" Dirk asked, genuinely worried about whether his cru-best friend was doing alright.

"Nothing...nothing."

Todd had always been stubborn - his relationship with Amanda was enough proof of that, and therefore Dirk knew that there was no way he'd be able to force the answer out of his friend.

"Want to go back to the lodge?" Todd suggested after a couple more minutes of shivering in the cold.

"Errr," Dirk remembered the array of objects currently sprawled across his bed that Todd was likely to find slightly odd, "Could you do me a favour?"

"Of course."

"Can you ask the store manager of that Walmart down the street from here whether he employed the assassin guy."

"Viktor."

"Yes, assassin guy. And then maybe...err," Dirk was running out of jobs for him to do so he fabricated one out of nowhere, "Could you head down to the supermarket and get some glue? There's a door hinge that's really annoying me in the lodge." No such thing existed but did Todd need to know?

"I don't think you put glue on doors, Dirk."

"W-well, that stuff that goes on doors."

"Alright?" Todd shook his head at the bizarreness of the requests and Dirk sprinted off to the lodge, where he managed to get everything sorted out.

He wasn't one for doing things fancily and neither was Todd, so he decided it would be a night where they would perhaps play some games on the Wii that Dirk would undoubtedly lose, or watch a movie to further teach Dirk about proper movie education on the sofa.

However he did set up a romantic table with a candle and the nice plates. The spectacular meal he had decided on was pizza and chips, because who wants caviar and duck's stomach when you can be placing heaven in your mouth?

It wasn't long before Todd returned from the stores and was about to complain to Dirk about how uncooperative the store manager had been about showing him their records because he wasn't a proper police officer and god had he wished Farah had been there because the look on his face when she would've triumphantly pulled out her badge would have been the best thing, but he never got to say any of that because he walked into the lodge and woah that wasn't there before. The lights were dimmed, a candle lit and as Todd's throat began to dry up, he realised what day it was.

Dirk walked back in and looked up to see Todd, almost dropping the bowl of crudités he was carrying with him.

"Todd!" He exclaimed suddenly, so sudden that even Todd jumped from it.

"Dirk?"

"Errr....what do people normally say?" Dirk muttered to himself, blushing fervently, "Be my Valentine?"

Todd's face grew into a bursting grin and then he cheekily smiled, "If that's pizza and chips I smell, then you've got yourself a deal, Gently."