It hurts me to love you...

The pain that I feel in my chest is called confusion

Back to the boys down in the room

Every eye in the room was on the small trembling boy that was seated between Taehyung and Jin. The boy looked ready to flee, but was grabbed by each arm by the two people seating next to him before he could even think about it. He had no way to escape, so he sighed deeply and tried to relax into the cushions of the soft couch and to stop his hands from trembling so harshly. Yoongi looked at him attentively, like he was waiting for something, actually everyone looked at him like that, as if they were expecting some kind of explanation from him. He then realized that they did expect an answer to Yoongi's question.

He began shaking again, now even stronger tremors running down his whole body, when he tried to say something, because his mind was pulled back to about 2 months ago.

Flashback: Jimin's POV

I was trying to be subtle when I watched Jungkook. He had grown up into a fine ass man. He was even taller and stronger than me now, his hyung! And even though I knew that this wasn't right I just couldn't stop myself from salivating whenever I saw his biceps bulge, his veins pop and his Adam's apple bop. I mean I have something for muscles and strength, he could probably hold me against the wall while he f-!

Ho, stop there Park Jimin! Don't try to taint the innocent bunny boy with your thoughts, I thought to myself. While I was scolding myself internally I felt someone's gaze on me. I looked up and my eyes locked with Kook's. He seemed confused, omo that was such a cute expression he looked like a confused bunny, all scrunched up nose and big wide eyes! But then he gave me a smug ass smirk like he came to a realization about something and I had to look away because that smug smirk did something to me.
That smirk promised no good.

Maybe I am too obvious and have to tone it down a little bit more. I frowned, but then my thoughts were interrupted again, this time by our dance teacher.

After that I forgot everything and could only think of dancing and perfecting our choreographies and songs. Then 2 weeks later I began noticing that there always seemed to be a wild bunny flexing in my vicinity. I, of course, didn't think much of it.

In the beginning that is. After a while though I realized that Jungkook was always flexing in front of me, staying way too close to me and being mushy with the other members just to get a reaction out of me. In the beginning I couldn't control my reactions towards him and he seemed to grow smugger the more I gave in.

I had to stop this before he finds out about my feelings and crushes my heart. So I learned to not react to his shenanigans, it was hard let me tell you honestly. But it looked like I got better at it with time. For some reason he got always irritated when I didn't react like before. So he began pushing me harder. Sometimes he even left bruises that I ended up having to cover up. This went on till it came to a head one day during a hard practice session that had everyone stressed out.

Even Hobi-ah, the sunshine was frustrated because the steps were too difficult and he had made one too many mistakes. Our dance teacher gave us a short break after he saw Jungkook mess up the same part for the nth time. Even he was scared of an angry Jungkook, while Jungkook was nice and shy he could become really aggressive when angry, it never turned physical but his words hurt more. It's like the adorable bunny turned into a wolf with razor sharp teeth.

Just when I wanted to drink some water, I felt him brush up against me. I was confused for a moment till I realized that he probably wanted me to follow him. I sighed but still stood up and went after him. I bumped into his back when he stopped abruptly. He seemed deep in thought and for a moment I thought that maybe I had misunderstood the brush and that it was accidental. But before I could apologize for that he grabbed me harshly and pulled me to a dark vacated room. There he closed the door and when he turned back to me there was a tense silence present between us.

Cold sweat dripped down my back while I nervously scratched my nose before looking up at him through my fringe. When I was studying his face, I saw that  he was oozing anger and irritation out of his every pore. What is making him this annoyed and anyways what did he want to talk ab-

" Hyung, stop staring that way at me, okay?! We all know that you like me way too much and that you look as if you could eat me alive, but this is disgusting! If you want a man to fuck you that badly, look for a boyfriend, but leave me the fuck alone!" When he spoke those words I felt something crack, and break inside of me. So he knew about my feelings? And this is how he saw them? My feelings were disgusting and dirty to him even though I only ever thought about him with a pure heart and mind..but..maybe they are dirty, like which boy would want another boy to fall in love with them, right?

I felt like crying and laughing at the same time. Shocked I felt tears start running down my face, before I could disgust him more I hid my face and decided to bolt out of there with some of my dignity intect! While I ran away I heard a faint "Hyung, Hyung !" from behind me but paid it no mind. My only thought was to get away from there, away from him.

His words were on replay inside of my head: "It's disgusting, it's disgusting, disgusting!". That night I didn't sleep and it's not because of the lack of trying on my side, believe me. I just couldn't get his words out of my head. Should I end things, try and find someone who would see my feelings for what they are and who didn't find me loving them disgusting? What am I supposed to do now? How will this affect the dynamic of our group?

That night I fell in a short restless sleep full of nightmares, with only these three words on repeat "You are disgusting!"

End flashback
(Still Jimin's POV)
While all of this played through my head I felt someone stroking my back in slow downward strokes. I unconsciously had been letting tears slip and letting out broken sobs, I tried covering my mouth but the sobs persisted and where clear in the silent room.
I saw the other members looking concerned and felt worse. Why was I so weak and why were they worried, I was disgusting, right?

Tae hugged me and held me close while trying to calm me down, the only thing I could think about right then was, why couldn't I have fallen for someone like him? It would have been way easier and healthier for my heart to love someone like him...