It hurts me to love you...

The crying kitten

Yoongi's POV   

$2 hours back$
I was wandering around the streets, not wanting to return to the dorm and to Jin-hyung's prying eyes and questions. I had been in my studio, but my mind was all over the place and after an hour I up and left cause I knew that I wouldn't accomplish anything while being this distracted. So I decided to take a night off and wander around the city, emptying my mind off useless feelings. Once outside my studio, a deep blanket of exhaustion had covered my heart. I couldn't help but let my thoughts stray to him. I knew I shouldn't, but can you blame me? I've known him for over 7 years, I lived with him, shared food, thoughts, blankets and even a bed with him. I loved and laughed at every joke he made, I was there to console him when he cried and got his heart broken, I was there when he got together with her. Yet I never dared to share these deep  feelings I held for him. Never, until that day where I did something stupid. His face, the shock in his eyes. They still haunt me. How could I let myself lose control like that? What did I think, that he would end up kissing me back, confessing his love for me and breaking up with his perfect girlfriend for me? Me? Who am I even? I don't deserve him...I never will.

Author's POV

While Yoongi was sunken deep into his mind palace, he didn't even notice that he got closer to the small pond that was situated on his left. That pond was a special one, it was one of these bodies of water where people threw money in, in the hopes to get one of their wishes granted. Yoongi, not paying attention at all, fell right into the pond. Numbed from the cold and soaked form head to toes, he sobered up real quick from his intoxicating thoughts. He pulled himself out of the pond with difficulty, once out he checked to see if his phone was still working. It magically survived the fall and cold water bath. Yoongi sighed distressed, weighing the pro and cons of calling Jin to come pick him up. He decided against it, knowing that he would get faster home on foot, than if he stayed waiting outside in the cold. The drenched man walked away, thinking; " If there's a deity that exists, can you answer me one question, why does it hurt so much to love someone who doesn't love you?".
While walking away at a fast pace, the man hadn't noticed that during his tumble, a penny had fallen into the magic pond.

Yoongi's POV

I had started shivering like crazy, my teeth were shattering, my limbs were frozen and heavy. I knew that come morning, I would be sick. And I knew that Jin-hyung would not be happy with that. But Jin-hyung, my unknowing hyung, I see how he tries to hold us together, I see how he is trying to figure us all out while acting like he doesn't have relationship problems on his own. And that's what I love and hate about him. He cares, he cares too much about us, he cares about all of us in a way only a mother hen can. But that's gonna be his downfall one day, and I don't wanna see him break down. If he breaks down, then all hell will break loose. I know that my actions and words hurt him, even though he acts like it doesn't faze him, I feel his questioning eyes, his probing remarks, his constant prodding for information to figure Jungkook's and Jimin's relationship out. I know that he's onto me, and that sooner rather than later he will ask if I'm okay. And I cannot disappoint him, cause I know that he will see right through me, like he does with everyone. I know that I can trust him, that he will console me and give me a warm hug, making all the pain go away. I know that he will cook me food, talk to me and in the most extreme case sing me to sleep and sleep next to me so to be sure that I'm doing fine. I know that he cares a lot. Yet....
I cannot tell him, I keep pushing him away, cause if he knows, that will mean that my demons are real.
The only reason that Jimin knows about my predicament is because he and I, we ain't that different. We both are hopelessly in love with brats that act in a way that sends mixed signals, that is selfish, that is maddening. Both of us can't seem to let go of our feelings, heck we even joked about dating each other if Jungkook also got a girlfriend, knowing that it will eventually happen. He understands me in a way Jin-hyung could never do, cause he has Namjoon. He doesn't know the pains of unrequited love, he doesn't know the countless sleepless nights Jimin and I both suffered from the painful throbbing of our hearts...
He doesn't understand!