Cobra girl

Shit.

Wednesday, August 13th, 1960
     "Jane! Jane! Come here please I have to get the rest of it out" Jane wouldn't budge and left the bathroom door locked. She had asked me to dye her hair because school is around the corner just peeking up to us like nothing. I never particularly liked school for many reasons. Girls were the biggest. I can't handle a mass capacity of what seems like a million girls trapped in a building talking shit about each other and creating drama for the fun of it. Summer is my escape from all of the nonsense caused by that tormenting building. Where nobody has to follow rules or listen to bullshit about the war and politics or the latest fashion trends. I hate that shit more than ever. "You ever think we'd make it not graduating?" Jane asks me as she finally budges to let me wash out the dye. "You're an idiot. It's not even senior year yet you got two years kid." I held my cigarette between my lips as I scrub her head over the tub. "Listen, all we gotta do is lay low and we'll be fine but if I see Betty McClaire start shit again, I'm not holding back, but, hey that's me." I protested. "Yeah, yeah can you hurry the fuck up?" Jane said with her usual snobby tone. So, me being me, I banged her head on the side of the tub. "Fucking cunt," she yelled. I chuckled, "they're you're done, now go sit out on the patio so your hair drys faster." I got up off the stole and grabbed the cigarette from between my lips, tapping it letting the ashes fall into the sink. I really should quit but what else will calm me down. I ran down to the kitchen to pour a glass of lemonade, when somebody in the living room caught my attention. Gordie was sitting on the floor clenching a picture of Denny the year he won state for football. "Whatcha doing, kid?" I asked hoping for an honest answer. "Should I play football this year ?" I laughed, "w-what?" I could never imagine my scraggly armed tiny kid brother playing football, I hope this is a joke. "I think I might join this year." By the tone of his voice, he wasn't kidding. "I mean, I believe in you. If it's something you wanna do then, I say, go for it!" I smiled wrapping my arm around he shoulders. I was happy for him but it wasn't my approval or opinion that mattered. My father was a big dick about football, even when Denny played. Nothing mattered over football. Not girls, grades, friend, nothing. Denny was doomed dead or alive in my opinion, that's a bitch thing to say but if I could have been born to anyone else, I would.

*6:15pm that night*

       I like to think that when I did my mother's hair things were finally looking up, but that would be a lie. She had no intention to keep up with it and now it's a rats nest...product wasted, depression back, house still gloomy. On the bright side, we eat dinners together now. It made up for during the day when Gordie and I would do anything to leave. Tonight, I hope Gordie tells my dad about football, just to clear the cloud I know is inside his head. "So, mom." I say picking at my food with my fork. Her cooking has gone to shit too. "Hmm?" She replies. "Maybe we can touch up your hair?" I suggested. "That won't be necessary!" My father stated. "Yeah, why's that dad, can't handle a little change around here, just has to stay this depressing shithole all the time?" I slammed my fork down on the table. "It's too soon." He replied staring at me. "When will it ever be time? Time to get over what happened. We can't change the curtains because they were here when Denny was alive, you can't cut the grass because the last time anyone stepped foot in the Backyard was when you and Denny would practice plays, now mom can't start fixing herself up because it's too soon? Pretty soon she's gonna fucking lose herself completely ,I fucking get it dad. It's hard, we know! But maybe instead of dwellings over and over again. You can fix yourself and straighten the fuck up for your family. You have two other children, ya know!" By then I was standing out of my chair both hands on the table in a screaming match with my father. "You are a disrespectful, no good for nothing, excuse for a daughter." He punched me right in the face with his words that time...but luckily I have had time to learn to have a good reflex to block it. "Fuck you," I spit. "Get out, now." He didn't even sound angry at that point. "Wait, dad, I can make this better. I'm joining football.." Gordie blurted out. "What?" He turned to him. "Well, it's just a thought..." Gordie at that point entered back into his shell. "You will never be your brother, you will never replace him." My father dropped those words on my brother like bricks. "I fucking hate you." I walked out of the kitchen and outside. I popped a cigarette in my mouth, lit it, and headed down the street. I walked and walked. I walked downtown until I stopped. I stopped in front of a place that I haven't gone in a very long time.  To people, it was a restaurant. To me, it was Sunday's with Denny. Sunday's laughing, blowing wrappers off of the straws, ordering deep fried doughnuts. It was closed, but for the last 2 years, I have done nothing but avoided the place, it was weird to see it. I wish things were different, Denny shouldn't be dead. This isn't the way it's suppose to be. If I could go back I would try to appreciate all the time with him a little more...at this point I was crying on the sidewalk. I wanted eyeball. I wanted to be held and told it was going to be okay, I got up and started walking towards that way. Making it to the his window, I knocked. He opened it, but he didn't have his usual warm inviting smile. "What?" He asked. "Excuse me? " I gave him a stern look.. "what's going on?" He laid on his bed as I crawled in, "what the fuck is your problem?" I snapped. "You might as well just leave, since you know I don't make you happy, not my father, not anyone." He was drunk. " you know, you really shouldn't be pushing me away, I'm in the same boat. What did he say this time." I asked sitting on the edge of his bed, eyeball just looked into the distance, his eyes stared forming gloss and turned red. "He told me, I was better off dead, Em. He told me that I will never amount to nothing, I'll end up fucking up my life and being nothing but a worthless sack of shit, better off killing my self." At this point, He was in tears. "What did I ever do. I was fucking born and yeah maybe sometimes I get in trouble but fuck so does any kid, why the fuck is it always me..?" He rubbed his eyes, "oh my baby.." I wrapped my arms around him. "I'm sorry for how I acted, it'd just so hard, ya know." I knew exactly what he meant. "I just came from Abby's diner, I have been walking around since 7, dad and I got into a Fight, he called me a  disrespectful, no good, excuse for a daughter... how the fuck is it my brother died.? Why am I left with the baggage?" At this point I was crying too. Positions changed and I was being cradled like always. "You know what, this is why we are together now. We are here to complete each other and be like companions. I never wanna lose you, you're my rock. I wanna marry you, I don't know what I would do without you." He caressed my cheek. "Honest?" I looked up into his perfect brown eyes. "Honest." He replied,  leaving a kiss on my forehead.