Can't Stay Away (BBC Sherlock) -2-

38.5 - For the Better

Why did we both agree on flying on the same plane back to Maryland? At least we didn't sit together.

Bayley and I were left to drown in our thoughts when the plane got up in the air. I didn't know about him, but I was pretty worn out. I didn't sleep much on the ride back to the United States, though. My mind was too wired, and the times I tried to doze off, I was woken up by what I saw.

We were silent through it all: the landing, check out, finding his car, and the ride back to his place. Yes, I said his place.

I knew Bayley could feel it coming, that as soon as we stepped foot inside, I was packing my things and leaving. I already knew where I was going.

I was the first to get inside. Though I was fatigued, the betrayal was enough to make me pack everything of me that I had brought along. I knew it would take some time, probably until sunrise, but I had to get out. I couldn't stay here anymore.

I fought back tears as I tossed my clothes together, all my toiletries, my iPod and its charger, my phone and its charger. I wanted no remnants of me to be left behind in Bayley's place. I wanted nothing of his to be brought along with me either.

As things began to get full, I pushed them out the door. Bayley didn't once try and stop me; he never said a word or tried to grab me to stop me. He let me pack all of me away. Maybe he knows nothing he can say will keep me here. Maybe he knows that the damage is irreparable. Why did Sherlock have to be right about him too? Why couldn't he have just kept it quiet?

It was hard to tell what Sherlock was to me, considering he was always insulting me and hurting me while trying to help at the same time. Was this how Dad felt when around him, when he did things that had an impact on my dad's life?

Just as I got the last of my things out the door, Amanda's familiar car pulled up. She didn't linger in the driver's seat; she put the engine on idle and got out, walking to me calmly. She was going above and beyond in helping me. I knew she was the only person I could call in the middle of the night and depend to come and get me. I hadn't had the time to get into detail with her about what happened. Just looking at the scene now, she had a rough idea.

"Thank you," I whispered to her as she helped me load her car up.

"You owe me for this," she growled at me. Past her groggy appearance, I knew Amanda was happy to help.

Once Amanda was done with her loads, she hopped back into the car. She watched as I gathered the last two bags of things I'd left in front of the door. I retrieved them, all while under Bayley's sad blue eyes. Before I headed back to the car, I dropped my things at my feet, tearing off the very thing I knew I couldn't take with me: the last reminder of Bayley Redding.

With a brave face—even though I was on the verge of breaking down on the inside—I dropped the anniversary necklace into the palm of his hand. We locked eyes one last time. His eyes held no pleas, only somberness. My eyes were pulling poker faces, telling him goodbye for me. I swallowed, forcing my head up high.

I gathered my bags and turned the other way, heading for Amanda's car. A hot tear fell down my face. Hold it together. Cry once you're out of his sight. Be strong, Rachel.

Once the last of my things were tossed in, I clambered in. I didn't look back until Amanda started driving away. I looked into the rearview mirror, seeing my relationship being left in the dust. I bit my lip, letting the sobs mutely shake my body.

"I'm not going to ask for details," Mandy assured me gently. "I know you'll tell me when you're ready."

I rested my head back, letting the sobs have their voices be heard. I was free, but I didn't feel it. I felt crushed by my emotions, unable to push them aside. I couldn't have a clear head right now. It was for the better. It was the final straw. 

**Originally this would have turned into a full-length chapter, but then I'd decided to keep it out entirely. But THEN I went back and wrote it anyway, only because I could picture it.**