remedy

3

i haven't seen niall anywhere for a few weeks now, and i feel like a dog without a bone.

the skies are grey and my bones are frail, i have no idea how to carry on and complete basic tasks, breathing seems hard without his voice coaching me through the steps.

i have no idea how to cope, i have no capabilities without niall to depend on and it's not fair that he gets to up and leave whenever he pleases just as he comes.

the absence of him runs through me like the blood pumping through my veins. i miss his laugh and the way he coaches me to get up from my bed and at least change my clothes.

he helps even with the small victories.

i wonder what i've done to upset him, i intended on writing a note in hopes he'd find it or he'd forgive me but i hadn't left my bed in a few days.

mom is so caring, knocking on my door and bringing me food in hopes i'd eat even one bite.

dad doesn't understand and neither does Ryan. in the middle of the night i hear someone outside my door sometimes, hoping it's niall but it's usually one of them pleading me to let them in, not physically but emotionally. i don't think they'd understand.

they'd call me crazy
they'd worry too much if i told them.

so i decide i will just sleep until he returns, until i catch even one second of his body or his face

when he returns all can be normal

i sleep just hoping that his eyes will flash by me, just once.

i sleep with the faith his hands graze my face

i sleep with the faith his tone will sooth my ears once again

and it hasn't.