Breaking Boundaries

Chapter 12 - Never Forget.

 I patiently await his arrival.

Just then my bedroom door opens. I see his figure in the doorway, his body.
Fuck.
I hear his words over and over..
"No funny business, just talking."
That's all I want. However he slides into bed next to me with only his boxer shorts on.
My mind goes into overdrive..
But I'm not a whore. Never have been until I arrived here.
I don't want to be that girl.
So he won't touch me anymore. Not whilst he's with her.
No one will touch me anymore.
I want to be wanted for me.
Not because they find me attractive.
Why can't anyone just want me?

"Sweetheart, wipe your tears."

"What do you want to talk about?"
I whisper.

"If she catches you in here..."

"When are you going to realise how much you're worth?"

"What?"

"I've never been in love. I'm 36 and I've never felt any pang of anything towards anyone. But you had to come along didn't you and fuck that up!"

"I don't understand..."

"This is so wrong, me and you. You're 18 - I'm 36 that's 18 years between us.."

"You didn't think about that when you decided to sleep with me, no?"
It comes out with heavy sarcasm, but I don't care his words sting me.

"No, I didn't. Can you let me finish please?"

"If you must..."

"See that's exactly what I mean, no one has ever spoken to me like that. Now you know who I am you must understand and believe when I say it. You though.. I cant fucking deal with you like I can others. You have some kind of hold over me. You mean something to me and I haven't figured out what yet but I need to stop it.."

Why is he telling me this? He's just making everything worse. I don't look at him and I don't reply.

He continues.

"I don't know what love is. But I'm pretty sure that whatever I have for you is more than that.. It's something that could never be put into words. I'd fucking kill for you."

My heart.. 
My heart is yearning for him right now. Screaming for him.
But my head?
That's a different story.
This is the perfect talk.
He's telling me he loves me.. No.
He's telling me he feels more than love for me. He'd kill for me.
That's perfect, right?

Then how come he's still with my fucking mother?

"But what are you getting at, Hunter?"

"We can't ever be together, baby. Not now not ever. It kills me but its true. No amount of love or feelings is ever gonna change that. If the situation was different and I had met you last year? I'd of married you already. You're the only female I'd take in my hand and make mine."

I'm literally sobbing. Silently. But he knows.

Then he breaks me.

"Its over Rylee. We can't do this anymore. It's too dangerous. We need to make believe it never happened.."

"You love me. But you want to forget about me?" I whisper

"Not forget baby, never forget.

Part of me knows he's right. The only part of me that's fuming inside is the part that's screaming the words MOM.
How can he be with someone he doesn't love.. When he could have me.
All of me.
And be happy?