Running To Nowhere (Momentarily On Hold)

Away

Dawn was near; I could almost smell it in the air. The morning dew collected on the smallest blades of grass, making them sag down. The trees of the wood groaned and creaked as another sharp, cool breeze blew through them and I had to pull my jacket tighter to keep it at bay. Somewhere, not far off, there was the warning call of a flock of birds as an enemy approached. It wouldn’t be long before their calls died down into the nothingness it had been before. I pulled my legs tighter to my chest when another, less harsh, breeze swayed the trees yet again.

I watched as a squirrel dashed across a small clearing, running from a large bird high above. I sighed at the familiar scenario that both me and my brother were now sucked into. I couldn’t stand the constant running from them, always dashing across a small clearing to avoid their sight, sliding down into a large patch of underbrush to hide until they passed. I was so sick of running.

I heard Tomas slide down the rocky hillside to my side. The rocks shuffled down, rolling down over each other stopping to rest against my back or at the bottom of the hill. Dust spread around us, making the layers of dirt on our skin thicker. Tomas looked over to me, his face hard like the stones I sat on and his hair had lightened, as well as grayed, from so long on the run.

“I think they’re gone,” he whispered, looking back up the hill before looking back. He had scrapes all along his arms and a small yellowing bruise on his left shoulder. He looked so tired, his eyes dulling from their usual bright brown to a deep wild color. It had probably been a day or so since he had gotten any sleep. He needed to rest, if not now than later.

“How much farther do we have to go until we reach the edge?” I asked, thinking that maybe he would want to talk a little as we rested. I was tired as well. I would have fallen asleep if it weren’t for all the guards and soldiers. Every time I closed my eyes all I would see were bright lights and hear their radios buzzing with scrambled orders.

“We should be there by night fall,” he responded, pulling his ugly and beaten back pack over one shoulder to his lap. He pulled down the zipper and pulled out a water bottle, he took a quick swig before handing it to me. I pushed it away, not wanting a drink at the moment. He only put it back inside the bag. “We are safe now. You should really rest.”

“I can’t,” I whispered, resting my head on my knees. From the corner of my eye, I saw him lean in towards me, curious as to why. I didn’t want to say what was really keeping me up. It bothered me too much to talk about it. But, Tom, I told him everything. “Every time I close my eyes, I am back at the facility. I can hear them talking outside the room. I can feel my skin burning.” I could feel tears at the corners of my eyes.

“I won’t let them take us again, Kayla,” he wrapped his arms around me tightly. I rested my head on his shoulder, embracing him as well. I breathed roughly, silently praying that this moment wouldn’t end, that I could stay in this moment so I would not ever have to run again. I wanted to embrace the past just like I was now.

I pulled away from him, staying silent as I looked into his calming eyes. I could see just how tired he really was. Each emotion that was really buried beneath his rough mask flashed by; hostility, anger, pain, terror, compassion, love, it all showed for a brief moment before drowning itself deep below self-control. I wanted to be strong like Tomas, to fight against the people who had done tests on me for the past month and a half. More than anything, I wanted to live a free and normal life, to be a real human.

“Come on,” he whispered in a strained tone. I noticed that his eyes were fogging over like mine had as he grabbed my hand. He helped me up as he stood on the rough stones, using his other hand to pull his bag back over his shoulder. “We should get moving before it gets too bright out.”

I was too tired to disagree or to argue that we should rest for at least a little while, so I just nodded in agreement. We began to push our way through the thick brush that surrounded us. The sun began to cast shadows without a brush stroke of another color being cast across the sky. It wasn’t long before we had both began to walk at a steady beat, hesitating and changing every now and then as we stepped over large stones, logs, or puddles.

The thoughts began to come to me again. I could feel the burning under my skin as it crawled from my heart out to my toes and fingertips. A chill ran up and down my spine making me shutter widely for a brief moment. I tried to fight away the feeling with only little success. Tomas stopped, drawing in a deep breath. A small smile spread across his face and his eyes lit up like a small flame on a candle, it held little light but was still welcomed.

“I can smell it,” he focused for a brief moment, looking in different directions to see something I could not. I was used to this, he would do it often. There would be something out of place or something new and he would have to check it out. “I can hear them too.” Like I always did, I closed my eyes, focusing on any sound that came to me. I could hear the birds in the distance and the leaves rustle as the wind shook their branches but could not hear nor smell anything other than the woods.  I opened my eyes to see that Tomas was pointing off through a cluster of trees past a small grassy clearing. “This way, it’s coming from this way.”

Tomas grabbed my hand and pulled me into the unknown. His pace was faster now as he awkwardly jogged through the brush. I managed to keep pace with him as he pulled me along. Then I could smell it. I could smell sweet foods, fried and baked, sweet and sour. I smiled, something I hadn’t done in a while, and began to run ahead, now pulling him. From a distance the noises began to come to my ears. I could hear people talking loudly as they rushed from place to place, calling out to each other. Vehicles honked their horns and revved their engines as they started up. It was all so overwhelming.

We ran up a short hillside to see the back of a large warehouse looking place. It was a rundown looking place with a large broken pavement separating us from its faded red stone wall. Beyond that I could see the road where dozens of people walked by each other, muttering into their phones or talking to some who walked next to them. We had finally reached the edge of the closest town. Hopefully, with any luck, we would be able to hide out here.

“We should go around,” Tomas muttered. When I looked over to him I could see no happiness cross his face. It was still as hard as a stone, rough and chiseled into a perfect mask of fake emotion. He was looking off across the pavement and around its edges. I felt my face contort into confusion when he stated an alternative route. I stared at him with deeply pained eyes until he turned to me and said, “We don’t know if they followed us. It would be best if we stayed out of the open until we can hide in plain sight.”

“Right,” I sighed, really wanting to just sprint across the pavement. He was right though. It would all be over if we got caught again. They would probably kill us for running or they would put us in isolation.

Tomas tapped my shoulder twice to lead me around to the nearest section of fencing. We moved quickly in low crouches towards the brick wall.  We snuck between the fence and the wall as a military grade helicopter crossed the newly lightened sky above us. I watched as it made a wide turn along the nearest edge before disappearing over the tree line from where it came.

“They know we are here,” I whispered, listening to the chopper fade into the distance. From there, the noises of the street picked up and could be heard again.

“They are coming back,” Tomas said, pushing open the door on the side of the warehouse. He went inside, expecting me to follow.

“How do you know?” I asked, realizing that I mentally answered my own question. I went inside, shutting the door behind me. Stepping into the darkness felt all too much like being sedated. It was like being engulfed by a shadow, feeling it grip your skin and suck you in farther. I could see everything inside perfectly, but I was waiting for it to fade further into darkness like I had experienced so many times before.

“I heard one of the soldiers say it,” he pushed an oil barrel to the side, making an ear ringing sound as it skidded against the concrete. “We can rest here for the rest of the day. It will be safer here than in the woods.”

“Alright,” I whispered, finally admitting defeat to the nagging tug at my eye lids. I swung my backpack off of my shoulders dropping it to the cool concrete. Now that I had time to rest, I didn’t want to. I wanted to run as far as I could, run to the edge of the Earth and keep going because there was nothing for me to go back to.