My Love is a Star (BTS Suga Fanfiction)

31. Acceptance

"Acceptance is often confused with the notion of being "all right" or "OK" with what has happened. This is not the case.

Most people don't ever feel OK or all right about the loss of a loved one. This stage is about accepting the reality that our loved one is physically gone and recognizing that this new reality is the permanent reality. We will never like this reality or make it OK, but eventually, we accept it. We learn to live with it. It is the new norm with which we must learn to live. We must try to live now in a world where our loved one is missing.

In time, through bits and pieces of acceptance, however, we see that we cannot maintain the past intact. It has been forever changed and we must readjust. Finding acceptance may be just having more good days than bad ones. As we begin to live again and enjoy our life, we often feel that in doing so, we are betraying our loved one. We can never replace what has been lost, but we can make new connections, new meaningful relationships, new inter-dependencies.

Instead of denying our feelings, we listen to our needs; we move, we change, we grow, we evolve. We may start to reach out to others and become involved in their lives. We invest in our friendships and our relationship with ourselves. We begin to live again, but we cannot do so until we have given grief its time." (David Kessler)

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SUGA'S POV

In a press conference for Suga's mixtape...

"What has been your inspiration for this mixtape?"

"The songs in this reflect the other side of me that I want my fans to get to know of.."

"Did you create all these songs yourself?"

"Yes. From the lyrics to the beat. Everything about it is 100% me. I put so much time and passion into this and I hope you guys will love it.."

"I'm sure we'll do.."

"That's very nice to hear.."

"We noticed that all the songs in this mixtape talk about your struggles about being an idol. Why is that so?"

"It is a reality that we all struggle with. Just in different levels though. It's not all glitz and glamour and I know a lot of people in this industry could relate."

"Do you still deal with depression at this point?"

I never stopped.

"Coping gets so much better when you have the right people around you. And of course, the fans have been constantly inspiring us to better ourselves every day."

"We've noticed that you have included a bonus track to the mixtape. Can you tell us more about it?"

The song.

"Uhh. Yes. Uhm. A lovely day."

"The title itself seemed different from the rest of the songs."

"It is. It is. Actually.."

I don't know what to say or how to explain it. The song wasn't intended to be part of the mixtape. But the production insisted it to be.

"It's about having the time of your life from a one-day experience with someone you never thought would mean so much."

"Ahhhhhhh.." The crowd sighed.

"Wow. This mixtape is really something. You're also showing us your soft side. Have you experienced this yourself?"

Yes.

"Does this confirm that you've been secretly dating?"

Yes.

I laughed. These people know the right questions to ask.

"Well. This isn't limited to relationships between a girl and a guy. This could also be about our loved ones. Just about anyone dear to us."

"Very nice. But you haven't really confirmed if this is about you."

Just let it go already.

I fake giggled.

"There isn't anything to confirm actually. I'm sorry to disappoint you guys."

I flashed my gummy smile.

"Okay. That wraps up..."

Finally! This stupid q and a has come to an end. I've been itching to get away from these vultures.
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I was just informed that we had to tape an episode of Run BTS today. The members have already arrived in the set and guess where the heck it is.

N Seoul Tower. Just my luck! Out of all the possible places to be in Seoul why Namsan??!!

I feel a pinch in my chest as nostalgia swept over me.

It's been three months since. That day.

93 days to be exact.

I still think of her. I never stopped.

She still constantly appears in my dreams. I wouldn't want it to stop. I still flip through our pictures on my phone every chance I get. I wouldn't get tired of it.

I miss her. Everyday.

The difference though is it doesn't hurt anymore. I no longer cry myself to sleep neither do I wake up with my pillow drenched in my tears.

I have learned to accept the consequences of the choice I made but I still find myself reliving that lovely day that has once made me the happiest.

I arrived on the set and immediately had my makeup done. The kids were having their shots taken. The love locks immediately caught my eye.

I smiled to myself.

This is gonna be one heck of a funny day.

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"Yoongia, stand by the love locks over there."

Seriously now. I followed reluctantly.

The love locks seemed to have increased in great number. Like how many couples believe in this shit? I smirked.

"Rozie and Yoongi. 11-24-17. A lovely day."

We were once just like the rest of them.

I smiled at the memory. Which spot was it?

The moment I finished the shoot, I started looking into one lock after the other. There were so many of them. Each one looked exactly alike. It was just like looking for a needle in a freaking haystack.

"What are you looking for?" RM suddenly showed up behind me. "I didn't know you were the cheesy type."

I snarled at him.

"I once went here with my girlfriend in high school. Girls are really up for this kind of thing." Jimin said.

"Ashley and Mike forever.; From the moon and back, Max and..." V annoyingly read the messages out loud.

"Rozie and..." V's eyes widened at the lock he had his fingers on. He looked at me, a surprised look on his face.

"Omo! Rozie and Yoongi. 11-24-17. A lovely day." Hobi shouted out loud. The other kids burst out in laughter.

I actually found myself laughing as well and it felt really weird. This was the first time I'd laughed in months and it feels really good.

Don't get me wrong. I haven't moved on. Yet. Probably won't ever. But thinking of her brings more delight to me than distress.

Time was all I really needed.

I'm okay now.

To be continued...