My Love is a Star (BTS Suga Fanfiction)

30. Depression

What is Depression?

"It's important to understand that this depression is not a sign of mental illness. It is the appropriate response to a great loss. We withdraw from life, left in a fog of intense sadness, wondering, perhaps, if there is any point in going on alone? Why go on at all?

Depression after a loss is too often seen as unnatural: a state to be fixed, something to snap out of. The first question to ask yourself is whether or not the situation you're in is actually depressing.

The loss of a loved one is a very depressing situation, and depression is a normal and appropriate response. To not experience depression after a loved one dies would be unusual.

When a loss fully settles in your soul, the realization that your loved one is not coming back is understandably depressing. If grief is a process of healing, then depression is one of the many necessary steps along the way." (David Kessler)

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SUGA'S POV

We have an early call time today, 2 AM to be exact. My phone has been vibrating over and over but I hit snooze to shut the shitty alarm off. Alarm clocks are the worse of all inventions. The person who ever thought of making one surely didn't know how good it feels to sleep.

Jin shook my shoulder that woke the spirit out of me. "We're leaving in 30 minutes". His voice still sounded drowsy.

I got to my feet and was surprised at how I managed to get myself into the bathroom. I didn't really remember getting off the bed. I looked at the mirror and saw that I looked like hell. I splashed cold water a couple of times but still looked dead as fuck.

I had very dark circles around my eyes not to mention the fact that they're both still sore from crying.

Yes. I've been crying myself off for ten straight days now and it's something I'm not proud of. I'm starting to wonder when these tears would ever run out.

My makeup artist is getting really challenged on how to rid myself of this messed-up face using all the possible cosmetics available. And she's starting to get fed up as my face gets harder and harder to work on each day.

A great dark cloud was hovering over me everywhere I go. It came to a point when it seemed impossible for me to do interviews and tapings since I couldn't really fake a smile. The members were considerate enough to get me off the spotlight every time. All I wanna do is just lay on my bed and sulk the fuck up.

I rode the coaster pretty much ignoring all the people inside of it. This isn't a good morning and so were the mornings before and those that are yet to come. I closed my eyes and tried to get some sleep the moment I sat in my seat. I figured that sleeping is way better than being awake.

At least, in my sleep, I get to be with her.

We arrived on the set only to find out the shooting's been canceled. The director got caught up in another appointment and he couldn't have someone to substitute him for the time being.

So much for waking up this early. What ever happened to work ethics?

We ended driving back to BigHit to attend an emergency meeting. I wonder what this was about this time. I started to go through the things I may have done wrong the past few days and realized it was practically everything. But I couldn't care enough.

I could recall a time in my life when I went through a phase like this. It was when I was battling with myself and what the public was expecting of me. Before I entered the biz, I was very confident in myself. I knew I was born for something big and I worked my way up the ladder. But ever since I debuted, people started to talk.