My Love is a Star (BTS Suga Fanfiction)

34. On the sidelines

ROZIE'S POV

What the heck just happened?

The three of us fell silent after witnessing a very unanticipated part of the show.

Why?

Flashback...

Rest days have finally come after five long, dragging days of work. Jennie invited us to sleep over just so she'd have someone to watch the live telecast of the Golden Disk Awards.

She could've bought us tickets but too bad, all the VIP seats have been sold out. Being seated at the general admission section would just be the same as watching it on TV, so we decided to be living witnesses, as Jennie would like to call it, of the winning streak of her favorite Kpop group BTS at the comfort of her big and cozy home.

Honestly, even after our trip to Seoul, I never dared to look up videos or write-ups from the web of the said group. Not that I'm bitter or anything. It's just better off that way.

The three of us never talked about what happened nor did they ask me if I finally moved on. So with Jennie's invite to come over to see his face on her widescreen TV was really sensitive of her.

The show went on with the usual scripted and awkward convos between the emcees which I don't comprehend since subs aren't available. Performances from different groups I never knew existed appeared one by one as awards are being inserted in between.

I got really amazed by their very flashing outfits and their very synchronized dancing. How can they make zero mistakes? No one seemed to get the steps wrong like seriously! I heard they practice for about 10 hours a day just to get their desired perfection. Tsk. No wonder why these guys are thin as sticks.

"Bangtan Sonyeondan!"

The emcee just announced the next performer and I could feel twists and turns from the pit of my stomach. They performed 4 songs and all I ever saw was him. He was thinner and his head showed his natural black hair from the sides.

It was my first time to see him perform and he was so good at it. He was spitting fire with the words that came out from his lips. And the looks he was casting on the camera were very sexy and enticing, it drove the fans crazy.

Damn. I also fell for that once.

Their performance finally came to an end. That was the longest 12 minutes of my life so far. I hugged the pillow within reach and buried my face in it. My hands were cold as ice the entire time and my heart was beating like crazy. I don't know how to react. My feelings have been stirring up non-stop since the camera took a shot of his face.

I diverted my attention into munching a handful of popcorn from the bowl Yoona placed in front of me. Both of them didn't ask me curious questions nor give me the looks. Thank goodness. I just can't deal with any of that right now.

The last part of the show was intended for the Daesang award which according to Jennie is the grand prize given to the Artist of the Year. And unsurprisingly, with Jennie spoiling the whole show before it even started, BTS bagged the trophy.

RM, their leader, said his message on behalf of the rest of them in English which I am so thankful for. 

Finally, something I could understand!

Everyone seemed overwhelmed with them winning. What distracted me though was him seeming to be so uneasy up there. Wasn't he supposed to be used to being on stage? He seriously wasn't like that when they were performing earlier.

He seemed to be looking for something from the crowd as his eyes paced back and forth until it fixed and focused on the camera in front of them.

He was looking very intently it actually seemed as if he was looking right back at me. I couldn't look away. It's like being under a spell.

I could feel the tension in his eyes. My mind seemed to be playing tricks on me but I could actually feel like he was trying to communicate something to me.

Sadness suddenly crept inside of me. I feel my heart breaking in my chest as loss and emptiness filled in. Tears suddenly formed in his eyes and it was quickly reaching the brim by the second. Sure enough, the tears fell and he instantly looked away and concealed his face with his right hand.

All of them got off stage not long after and I was left clueless and mum about what just happened.

What was that about?

What was he feeling?

He isn't a softie for all I know. He always kept a strong facade.

I guess I just don't know him at all.

How I wanted to comfort him and wipe those tears myself. But that's obviously something I cannot do.

The feelings I have sent hidden away in a folder that spelled Do Not Open confronted me.

Pain. Longing and the rest are just too many to mention. Each of them tried to fight for the spot just to get my full attention. My mind was all over the place trying to sort the mess that my heart seemed to have left unsorted.

He had the spotlight on him while I was left here on the sidelines.

He left me here.

He chose to leave me.

To be continued...