My Love is a Star (BTS Suga Fanfiction)

5. The voice inside my head

SUGA'S POV

We got an early call time for the photoshoot of our season's greetings merchandise. It was 5 am when we got out of the building, the rest of the staff waiting inside the vehicles. I literally dragged myself up from the sofa just so I could take a shower and dress up on time. We had to leave in a dash so breakfast wasn't really an option. Hence, as usual, the smell of coffee filled the car as the staff passed on each cup to us one by one.

"Excuse me, sir, I don't mean to interrupt but I think this may be yours."

My eyebrows furrowed at the thought of her. 

Maybe she actually switched it on purpose. Women these days. 

I shook my head, pushing the thought aside as I checked the cup in hand just to make sure it's really mine this time.

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IN THE CAR

It was a long ride to the site of our shoot. The rain finally stopped. Perfect weather to be outside. My eyes appreciated the scenery from the glass window. 

Then, I suddenly remembered her.

I checked my watch and it was almost 9 o'clock. I wonder what she's doing. She's probably getting ready, choosing what to wear among a pile of clothes. 

I heavily exhaled. I can't stand the thought.

_________________________________________________________

We passed by one of the palaces and tourists were coming in and out. Some were wearing the hanbok, busily taking photos as they strike different poses.

"I like history so I wanted to go to the palaces and wear that thing. What's it called..??"

I rolled my eyes at the game my mind was trying to play. 

Why am I feeling a little... guilty? Sure I got her number but telling her that I won't make it is just the same as not showing up at all. She looks smart she'd get it.

"If you don't have anywhere to go to tomorrow, I could take you to the places you said."

Aish! I put my earphones on and played Rockstar on full blast, a silly attempt to drown the idea of her away.

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AT THE SET...

We finally arrived in the area and we headed straight away to change into the clothes our stylists brought. Everybody here has roles to play. As for us, we just have to look good and be professional. Quality is one of the essentials we owe to our fans and thus, beyond Quality is what they get.

It took 45 minutes for Jimin, Jungkook, and RM to finish. Finally, my turn has come.

Doing photoshoots for years has made us know what kind of shots photographers want. The angles must be precise. You have to give different expressions every time. You have to flirt with the camera as if it was a lover you're trying to win over.  Definitely a much easier job than shooting a music video. I really suck at acting.

"Suga. Take this rose." A staff handed me one. It was pink, the same color as the inner shirt I have. It was very pretty. Its petals were flawlessly tucked together. Just like her lips.

"Suga. Are you here with us?" The photographer shouted while snapping his fingers at me.

"Oh sorry." Flashing my gummy smile as a form of apology. WTF Suga. Get yourself together!

A few minutes later...

I finished the shoot way ahead of the others. I went directly to the van while waiting for Jhope to wrap up.

I closed my eyes. The heat outside has drenched the littlest of energy I have from the coffee I had.

"Suga? That doesn't sound Korean."

These thoughts have got to stop! I've been remembering her all day without me consenting to it. This head surely has a mind of its own. I hit my temple with the lower part of my palm just to get the shit out of it.

This isn't the first time I have done this. Get somebody stood up. Give someone false hopes. Lead someone on. Name it. Women have been circling us ever since we debuted. One-night stands are just easy as buying yourself some mints from a convenience store. 

What can we do?  Women just easily give in without us even putting much of an effort. It's part of the kind of life we have. Commitments are a no-no to any of us. The management has specifically prepared a contract regarding the dos and don'ts of being an idol. I'm sure you ought to know by now where dating and relationships are listed under. 

We belong to a world where kisses are hello's and Sex will never be defined as 'Making Love'.

But why... do I feel this way? 

I feel really guilty. 

But more than the guilt is actually the feeling of wanting to be with her. Her beauty was effortless and I feel being drawn more and more to her by just looking at her eyes. Our conversation was short yet it was the kind that I would like to go on and on all night.

I can't be like this! I kicked the back of the seat in front of me and JungKook shouted in total annoyance "Hyung??! Wae Geurae??!"

"Mwo?? Mwo?!" I challenged him and he backed down, rolling his eyes as he turned away from me.

I looked at the window still deep in thought. 

What do I do?

To be continued...