The Truth

Given Up

I dragged myself off of the plane and made a run for it, jake sprinted after me but by now I had made it outside, he must have been caught in the baggage area. I trudged across the road, forcing myself to not stop in the middle.

I kept running, further and further until he caught up, all it took was a graze of his finger off of my shoulder for me to turn around.

There we stood, my bloodshot stinging eyes drowned into his deep hazelnut eyes, we stood about a meter apart, my neck bending to reach his eye contact. He dropped my purse and his bag down by his feet as more tears escaped my eyes, "You're not useless" he whispered over a loud crowd of people but even if we were centimeters apart I wouldn't understand him.

I broke our gaze and stared at the broken dirty concrete under my feet, "but how come I feel it" I sobbed collapsing into his arms, giving up.

My mind gave up, there and then. I didn't know what to think, what to say or what to do, I was just an object in this world. Jake began asking questions to distract me from whatever was happening but I was mentally gone, in a new place, where no one knows me, it's a necessary thing.

I lay down on damp dew grass watching the sun set, I was relaxed, I felt nothing, there was nothing to feel.

Stars filled the dark sky, illuminating the world, I gazed at each individual star in which resembles a useless emotion and memory but there was a reason I wasn't a star myself, my body and my soul, I wasn't giving up just yet, I've lived 18 pathetic years and I wasn't gonna let that control my life.

I wasn't ready to go back yet, I needed time to let everything in and out. I allowed my mind to roam free which was a lot more difficult than I imagined, I sat in a familiar room, Chloe's Den, a place I would escape to stay the night sometimes when I had had enough of Karen. Chloe walked through the door with of cup of tea and sat on the couch without noticing me until I finally released a fake cough to get her attention but she didn't even glance away from her tea, I was shy in front of her for the first time in years. I blinked and suddenly I was somewhere else, I was in front of Karen, John and a baby, my throat went dry, I felt like crying cause all the attention was on me. I stood staring at them while the silently stared at me, "so, carry on" Karen laughed, I was back in my 8 year old body, I was frozen in spot.

"You know me?" My young squeaky voice asked, I waited for a reply but they continued laughing, looking through me, I turned 90 degrees to find out what they were looking at, I blinked and there I was again, in the living room but there were some changes, New floorboards, a new rug and beige ugly walls. I turned around to see a two year old child and another baby sitting alongside Karen and John, it was Rebecca! I could tell, she's always had a platinum streak in her dirty blonde hair and I could tell it was Charlie cause I swear he was an obese baby. Once again they were cheering and laughing but not to me, to someone else that wasn't me but for some reason I couldn't see who it was.

I took the opportunity to take a look around the old house, the house in which my innocence still lingered, I walked around the living room picking up photos that anyone would assume that I was a friend or a distant cousin cause I looked that much different than Charlie and Rebecca.

I made my way up to my old bedroom that was in the attic, it was a lift kind of thing, my bed was above the ground and there as stairs that led you up, I looked around my 10 year old self's favorite room ever in awe, when there was not a stress in the world. I smiled at the cute polaroids of Chloe and I, I used to beg to have Charlie stay in my room but apparently it was too dangerous in case there was a fire.... what if there was a fire any other night when it was just me? That's how different the relationship between my 'patents' and I was, but when we moved a few blocks down I was devastated.