Things Worth Dying For (A Sirius Black x Reader Love Story)

Year 4: When Everything Changed

Looking back, she thought she could pinpoint the exact moment it happened. 

It was the end of 2nd year. Y/N had spent hours tossing and turning in her too-hot sheets, trying to calm the anxious beating of her heart. The window facing her bed showed a clear, starless night, not a single hint of movement in the branches of trees, not a single bird around to interrupt the eerie silence of the night, the whirlwind of her thoughts. She had to go home, there was no way around it, but that didn't stop her from staying up all night wondering what horrors this summer would bring. 

Sighing with resignation, she inched out of bed, careful not to wake her roommates as she tiptoed out of their dorm and down the stone stairwell, nearly undoing all that effort when she yelped in surprise at the sight of someone already sitting in front of the dying embers. 

"What are you doing down here?", she whispered to the back of a familiar head of raven hair. 

"I could ask you the same thing. You have the stealth of a bull in a china shop, you know that?", he replied, leaning his head back to watch the small girl behind him clad in slightly too big robes, her last name embroidered in a Slytherin green against the black silk. Sirius couldn't help but smile at the irony of it, her father making her the most pretentious set of robes he could muster, only for her to wear it around the wrong house. 

Y/N shuffled forward, taking a seat next to Sirius on the couch as she ran her fingers through her tangled hair and tucked her feet away underneath her. She stared silently at enchanted fireplace in front of her, reveling in the quiet comfort Sirius had come to bring her. 

"Couldn't sleep", she mumbled softly. "I always come down here when I can't sleep."

Sirius chuckled warmly, shifting a bit closer to Y/N. "We should've coordinated our sleeping schedules then, huh? We could do it for next year. Nightmares on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, and Tuesdays and Thursdays are reserved for staying up all night with anxiety induced stomach aches."

Y/N looked at him incredulously,  tilting her head slightly.

"What, too dark?", he asked playfully.

"No, just wondering what you expect me to do Saturdays and Sundays", she quipped back, now grinning widely. It was always like this with her and Sirius, no matter how bad her day or night had been, he could always make her smile. 

"Party, of course. We're going into third year. We'll drink ourselves to oblivion!", he shot back, and Y/N couldn't tell where the joke had stopped and the horror of their real life had started. 

"So, tell me Mr. Black, what's keeping you awake on this fine night?", Y/N asked, changing the subject abruptly, hoping her tone remained light enough. Sirius went silent for a long time, and for a minute Y/N wondered if she was wrong to intrude, but then he shifted even closer to her, wrapping her in his blanket so that they were sitting with her back against his chest, his head resting comfortably at the top of her head. She was hyper-aware of all the places their bodies touched, of the solidness of his chest and the warmth of his arms wrapped around her torso.  Y/N could hear Sirius' heartbeat, constant and strangely comforting.

"I always dread going home. It's like, school is an 8-month long vacation, and then for 2 months I'm shoved back into this hell-hole with no escape", he choked out, his words coming out shaky.

Y/N shifted so that she could squeeze his hands with her own. 

"Didn't James offer to let you stay with his folks? Do yourself a favor, Black, go with him", she urged.

"I can't, I won't leave Regulus. Besides, it's not so bad with him by my side."

Y/N sighed. "That's a lie and we both know it, but I can see you're going to be stubborn about this. Regulus is a good kid, but he's innocent. I guess he could use you by his side, for now. Anyhow, owl to me if you need anything, alright?"

Sirius sniffed, tightening his grip around her shoulders, and for a moment they just listened to each other breathing. 

"What about you, Y/N? What brought you down here?"

Y/N could hear it in his voice at this point, the exhaustion and drowsiness slipping in, and she knew he'd want to stay up and talk if she told him how terrified she was of going home. 

"Dragons. Just another dream about dragons", she replied, softening her voice. 

"Mmmm well, I wouldn't let anything happen to you, L/N. That's a Black promise", he replied, his voice slowly drifting off at the end of the sentence. Y/N' s breath hitched at his words, and she felt a warmth bloom in her chest. She felt safe in his arms, more at home than she'd felt anywhere else. She waited a bit for him to doze off, afraid he'd feel her heart beat quicken, but his light snores signaled that he was officially burnt out. Slowly, she shifted so that she could see his face, the soft embers of the fire casting a rosy glow against Sirius' face,  his long lashes casting shadows against his cheek bones, and the rhythmic rise and fall of his chest. She leaned up, brushing her lips against his chin, the ghost of a kiss and, as if in response, his lips turned up into a soft, oblivious smile. 

That was it, she thought. That was the moment she had started falling for Sirius Black.