Love Somebody

17. Ares

I woke up with Mercedes gone in her side of the bed. Biglaan ang bangon ko kaya nakadama ako ng pagkahilo. I looked around to find.my clothes still lying on the floor. I grinned when I saw my shirt hanging on the side of bed. I took my shirt and put it on. Sinunod ko ang boxers ko then I left the room. I wasn't looking for Mercedes --- she can go back to Oli all she wants and I won't even give a damn about it. I left the room. I needed to breathe. I need space. The thought of her aroundme makes me feel like I don't have enough space at all. Bago ako makaalis ng silid ay bumalik ako para kunin ang phone ko at ang kaha ng Marlboro lights sa bedside. Inilapag ko iyon kanina bago kami "mag-usap" ni Mercedes.

Matapos kong kunin iyon ay bumaba ako ng hagdan. I saw the tv was on and it was tune in Bathseeba's favorite show. I found myself smiling at that thought. Palabas na ako nang bahay para makapanigarilyo na nang matigilan ako. I thought I saw something and I was right --- lying on that green couch was no other than Bathseeba Madlang - Tao. Nakalagay sa noo niya ang kanang kamay niya habang tulog na tulog na. I was sure that she was sleeping soundly. Napatitig ako sa kanya. Muli ay napangiti ako. I have never seen her like this. Para siyang batang pagod na pagod. Natagpuan ko ang sarili kong naupo sa coffee table. I was still smiling. I took her hand and placed it on my lap. Hindi siya gumagalaw.

Bathseeba reminds me a lot of my childhood. She's a breath of fresh air.  Bago siya sa akin --- hindi --- hindi siya bago. The things I feel for her --- alam kong nadama ko na iyon dati.  Kapag kasama ko si Bathseeba naaalala ko ang isang batang babaeng kalaro ko noon -- the girl has pigtails and big teeth. She was my playmate till I was twelve. When I was thirteen I started feeling something for her --- ours was the classic I fell in love with my best friend story. Noong naging kami --- I did everything for her. I loved her in ways that I didn't know existed. I loved her with all my heart but then she left me. She knew so well that I was under her spell ---under her in so many ways. I am vulnerable when it comes to her but still she left me... I begged.and cried and cursed but she never cameback...

And from that day on I never let anybody. I never let anyone see or feel my true feelings. I've always left them wondering. I love it when everyone's head is spinning because of me. I build a high wall around myself for everyone to stay away and they did but as I now look a the sleeping version of Bathseeba --- I realized that she brings out that part of me. Iyong tinago ko noon. I bent down to kiss her forehead.

"You make me weak, Bathseeba." I don't have the guts to tell her that. When I am valnurable--- I am very different from the person I am now. I stared at her. Bahagya siyang gumalaw. She tilted her head a bit. Napaawang ang labi niya. I smiled a bit and touch her lips. I wanted to kiss her pero hindi ko ginawa. It is enough that she makes me weak --- hanggang doon na lang kami.

I stood up. Natigilan ako nang may.marinig akong kung anong bumagsak mula sa kitchen. I was about to go there when my phone rang. It was my sister. I answered the phone. She seemed so irritated. I just let her do all the talking. Ganoon naman si Hera. Kapag nailabas niya lahat ng nasa isip niya magiging maayos na rin siya. She was raised to be a princess but she doesn't wanmt to be one. Hera acts just like how Hermes and I acts - like a man - but somehow - I know that she gets lonely at night. I exited the house and looked for a place to seat in. I was talking to Hera on the phone. 

"Just think about how miserable Yto is! Wala siyang tiwala sa kakayahan ng team ko! Iyon ang rason kung bakit gusto niya ang mga Vejar! Ano lang ba ang mga Vejar, Ares? They're weak! Pussies! Mga duwag! Walang buto! Masama ang ugali!"

"And the woman with a kind heart talks like that..." Sarcastic na sabi ko. Minura niya ako sa phone. Napangisi ako. Kung hindi ko lang mahal si Hera matagal ko na siyang pinabayaan. But we were never like that. Only Hera could see my really see my feelings. Siya lang ang lubos na nakakakilala sa akin. When I was twenty I had a silent promise to myself that if that one person who can truly knows my feelings without even asking me - I'll marry her pero sa ngayon wala pa naman nakakagawa noon. 

Iyong sinabi ko kay Bathseeba - the things with falling in love with Mercedes for three years - totoo iyon. I was twenty-three that time and I really tried showing her my feelings but she was too caught of with our set up and I don't have the guts to show her or change the game. I just didn't want to be weak in front of her. I don't want to be stripped with the the power I have on her. I don't want to be weak. 

Hera ended the call. I took my phone inside my pocket and lit a stick of my cigarrette. I was in deep thoughts --- with that kerky woman with big glasses and wide brown --- almond shaped eyes and mischivious grin. I would give uo everything just to know what the hell is on hee mind every damn time she looks at me...

Everything...

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The next morning came like a thief. Napakabilis. I stayed at the flower box all morning until the sun greeted everyone with its rays. I went inside the house. Ang una kong nakita ay si Bathseeba na tulog ba tulog pa rin hanggang ngayon. Lalapitan ko sana siya nang makita kong papababa ng hagdan si Mercedes. Our eyes met. I grinned at her.

"Good morning, baby doll." She swallowed hard. Lumapit ako sa kanya. I wrapped my arms around her waist to pull and her to kiss her properly and right when I was about to kiss her ---- we heard sonething fell. Bumitiw ako kay Mercedes para hanapin ang tunog.na iyon. I saw Bathseeba lying on the floor now. Nilapitan ko siya para buhatin. I carried her --- bride style. Idinantay ko ang ulo niya sa  dibdib ko at saka tiningnan si Mercedes.

"Where's her room?" I asked her. She bit her lower lip and then she looked away.

"You care so much about her, Ares." She whispered. I just looked at Mercedes. Nilagpasan ko siya. Paakyat na ako ng hagdan nang muli ko siyang binalingan. All I could think about is how much time.we wasted hiding from each other. But I don't want to go back being that person again.

Ipinasok ko si Bathseeba sa kwarto at inilapag siya sa kama. She stirred again. I stared. Maya-maya ay iminulat na niya ang kanyang mga mata.

"Good Morning,  sleepy head!" I greeted her. She yawned.

"Inutil ka talaga!"

I just smiled at he and kissed her lips. Again I closed my eyes. Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit ganoon. I never kissed anyone with.eyes closed but when I kiss Bathseeba, parang may magnet na humihila sa mga mata ko para pumikit. I felt a million of electrons travelling all over my body when I felt her brushed her lips against mine. Sandali lang iyon pero pakiramdam ko lumindol. Napatayo ako.

" Ang bastos mo!" Sigaw niya sa akin. Hindi ako kumibo. I just left the room. My heart was beating fast...

Did I just feel what they call...

SPARKS...?