The Grant~An IT Crowd Fanfiction

Standard Nerds

It was a dreary Monday morning in IT, as usual. No one had called all day, not even to meet Roy's droning answering machine. Therefore, Roy had resorted to playing online games. Moss had a slight head cold and was not feeling much like himself—he hadn't done anything particularly productive today besides blow his nose and tear up tissues. Jen had no important paperwork that she couldn't procrastinate, and she had already finished reading Love and Rockets. She was settling into her swivel chair to take a nap. Not to mention that the batteries for Guitar Hero had died and no one felt like going to the store to buy new ones. It was going to be a long day indeed.

And then Douglas Reynholm had to barge in and ruin everything.

"HELLO, STANDARD NERDS," he announced.

Roy nearly fell out of his chair in surprise. "Good morning, Mr. Reynholm!"

"If it's not my favorite man from Ireland! Or, at least, one of the top men from Ireland. In this building."

Roy winced.

"Are you here to tell us more about Spaceology?" Moss asked, wiping his nose. His voice was much more nasally than usual.

"No, young man," Douglas sighed. "I left that faith a long time ago. I've found a brand new church now, but unfortunately for you, it's one I'm completely forbidden to talk about or discuss with anyone. Where's Jen?"

"In here!" Jen called, standing up and pinching her earlobes to wake herself up. "How are you today, Mr. Reynholm?"

"Just fine, Jen. We are all gathered, are we not?"

"Well, there is Richmond," she pointed out.

"Is he still out with scurvy?" asked Roy.

"No," said Moss. "He's on holiday in Vladivostok."

"Wonderful," said Douglas. "I wanted to have you all here for this wonderful news. We have recently received a grant from a computer company to boost our IT Department."

"Oh, really!" Jen exclaimed, suddenly bouncing up and down like Jennifer Beals in Flashdance. "That's wonderful! How much is it for?"

"I'd say about ten thousand quid."

Her eyes widened. "What? REALLY? That's amazing!"

"What computer company was it?" Moss asked excitedly.

"I don't know," said Douglas.

"This is great!" said Roy. "But why would they give us a grant?"

"Are we going to get free computers?" Moss asked.

"Who cares?" Jen laughed.

"Actually," said Douglas. "There is one condition."

"Oh, no," Jen whined. "What is it?"

"The head of this company has a daughter who just graduated from college and is looking for a job. You will receive this grant if you take her under your wing for a little while. Show her the ropes, that sort of thing."

"Oh," said Jen. "Well, we'd love to! It'll be nice to have another lady down here. And we could always use the help, you know, with how busy it is down here. So many calls today we can barely handle ourselves."

Moss and Roy looked at each other. Roy mouthed "A LADY??!?!" and Moss pointedly looked surprised.

"Yes!" Roy faux laughed. "So many calls."

Moss scoffed. "Calls?"

"When does she arrive?" Jen asked Douglas.

"Tomorrow. Her name is Angie something. She's quite a catch. I'd like to shag her someday. No offense, Jen."