Have you ever had your lungs feel like they needed to breathe? The question sounds moronic, but let me explain.
Have you ever felt this need to let out a big huff or sigh? Maybe take a smoke or two? That's how I feel. I feel like my lungs may collapse if I don't exhale in the order it needs. I feel like a caged bird, out-growing it's once huge cage.
You can take that metaphor however you please. One way I'll make it out to be is labels. Have you ever found a set of words that just defined you? Maybe "caring", "loving", or even "eccentric." There's a wide range of terms you can label yourself. The more you narrow it down, the smaller your cage gets, but the bigger you grow. Soon you find a few terms you like, but haven't found the one. Your cage has become only double your size, so you continue on. A year later, it's barely big enough to hold you. You start to over analyze things, worrying that maybe you aren't too ready to leave your cage. Maybe those words you found for yourself don't quite fit, maybe you're still looking.
Your lungs slowly start to fill up. Every word, every title and sentence and expression fills in the spaces. Soon, you let it all out, missing out details here and there, misstating a few things. It's finally off your chest, you admit.
You take a breath. In, out. You open your eyes and finally see. You see that you have made it out of the cage, at last you are free.
Is it who I am? Is this really how how I feel? You question your own self.
You once again worry that you might be wrong. You decide that it's your life and you no longer care for hiding.
Yes. You finally exclaim. Every single letter.
Yet here I am again. I've already said what's needed to be said, but everyone seems to forget. I tried reaching out and trying to fly but I've crashed landed. I turn back, and squeeze into my cage. My lungs are blocked once more, but it's for my safety. To keep myself from breaking, to keep myself from explaining. To keep myself from feeling.
I run on smiles and jokes, half-truths and white lies.
Who am I?
