I can't sleep a wink,
I'm in overdrive.
Someone reminded me of a time I wanted nothing but death.
Someone reminded me of a time I was losing myself to the bad parts of my mind.
And then I sorted myself out, quickly thanking my decisions to quit smoking and try to live my life.
But then someone else triggered a memory so suppressed I felt like I was trying to look through the ocean to see.
I felt confused for a second.
Then I remembered the night, or some time after it.
I remembered how I told my sister that the reason why I'd thrown myself onto the ground was because I was scared by my dream.
How I was slipping into unconsciousness while you slid your hand up my thigh.
How even after that you still tried.
I've always been weak.
Remembering that made my throat tighten, scared from an event years ago like it was happening in real time.
Hands wrapped over my throat, like I was to be killed then and there.
I sometimes feel like that is when I did begin to die.
Though, I've never felt life like I should.
Just, don't mind me I'm trying to remember to forget and forget to remember because god do I hate forgetting but remembering kills me a little each time.
