Complete

Important A.N.

Okay. Not a new chapter. I know. I'm sorry. But I'm kinda needing some answers on a very serious matter.

Have any of you all had, or knows anyone who has had chronic mono?

I was diagnosed with mono two years ago around this time of year. I suffered with the effects, especially the tiredness, for a long time, and a year and three months later, just when I thought I was back to myself, it flared up again. This was back in April of last year.

So again, I thought I was getting over it, and a couple weeks before Thanksgiving, I came down with a cold. After that, my left side started hurting (which I knew from the first time I had it is a sign that my spleen is enlarged from fighting off the mono). So I finally went to the doctor in the middle of January, and I was diagnosed with it again.

I had to go back a couple weeks ago and was told that I have a chronic case of it. I have no energy. I hurt all the time. My digestive system is all out of whack. I lose weight for no reason. I have become allergic to foods that I've never had a problem with before (coconut being the main one). It has cause my thyroid to act up.

It has messed with my mind too. I have really bad anxiety from where I have to stay inside weeks at a time to keep from catching anything else, and now I'm at the point where I'm terrified that I'll have to get a job once I do get better. It's not that I'm lazy, I just don't have any energy and I hate being around people. I've never been like that. I've always been a little shy, but I've never been absolutely terrified to be around a group of people.

My parents probably think that I'm stretching it as far as I can so I can be lazy, and it scares me that they're finally going to have enough of it and force me to get out and get a job or something. I've been trying to act like I'm feeling better around them, but I can't do it any longer. I am trying so hard not to become depressed, but I have cried myself to sleep for the past two nights.

Everybody tells me to pray and read my Bible and trust on God and they're right. I do need to and I'm trying to, but it's like I can't get my mind focused enough to do anything. That's why I haven't been updating much. I lose focus and start thinking about everything.

Sorry. That was a long rant. And just to be clear, I am not wanting pity or sympathy or for you all to feel sorry for me. I just want to find SOMEONE out there has been through or knows someone who has been through what I'm going through because I need someone to talk to. I feel so alone in this because nobody understands until they've had it too.