P.S. I Love You. [E.G.D]

Chapter 23

//Kendall//
Wake up Kendall
Wake up Kendall
Kendall!

You would probably think this is the part where it's all a dream and the 'wake up Kendall' is actually someone trying to wake you up in real life.

But no.

If only it was.

For fucks sake I wished it was.

He carried on leaning in, closing his eyes.

Me, on the other hand, was basically hyperventilating like a machine gun and drowning in my own thoughts.

I knew I couldn't kiss him, but how the fuck am I supposed to dodge it?! Divert faces and just Hug?? Push his face away?? Run away???!

All that time it took me to think, he had opened his eyes, as he didn't feel me leaning in too, and I was just staring into space. His eyes widened and nearly pooped out of their sockets once he had snapped out of his 'in the moment' moment.

"Omfg I'm so sorry, I didn't know what I was doing I-uh- oh my gosh I'm so sorry it was just an in the moment thing I promise" he said, struggling to find words to put an explanation together. And of course, I was right.
If he did really want to kiss me he would've carried on leaning in and even pushed my face to his. But he clearly snapped out of something, that being the 'in the moment' thing I had called ages ago.
At least I know for sure he doesn't like me now so I can just concentrate on letterboy, my love.

It started growing more and more awkward and I really couldn't do anything else but just walk away, in embarrassment.
I don't really know why I felt embarrassed, I guess it was just the fact that I knew he didn't want to kiss me anyway.
I scooted along into the toilets, and for some unknown reason to me, my eyes began to flood with tears.

Did I really want him to kiss me that bad?

I was getting mad at myself for being upset about something I hardly even cared about.

I'm over him, he was just a crush.

But if you're over him, why is him stopping from kissing you making you cry?

I don't know, he is just the spark that lights up my eyes, the flame that warms my heart, the electricity that makes me go all tingly.

Oh Fùcktrumpets.

I really haven't gotten over him.

"Fuck my life, fuck me, fuck me, fuck me, fuck me and my goddamn life." I said, grinding my teeth together, getting ready for rage mode.

I aggressively yanked my bag open and got out a piece of paper. I walked out of the toilets and headed for my locker.

It's about letter boy got a taste of his own medicine...

I taped the paper to the front of my locker so he would be bound to read it the next time he dumps a letter in my locker.

I pulled out a pen and began writing on it...

Dear oh so lovey dovey letterboy,

You might think that all these secret admirer letters are all cute and goals right? Well about three weeks ago it was, but now, I can proudly say it's not.
It's ruining my friendships.
It's ruining my mind.
It's ruining my relationships.
Its ruining me.
You keep dragging me on, with no sign of it coming to a close anytime soon.
I can't handle this anymore.
I don't think you understand how many sacrifices I am making for you.
Little do you know that there is someone I am pushing away just for you.

You're ruining me.

- Kendall

P.S. fuck you.

I signed it off and walked to my next class, twenty minutes early, but it was better than taking the risk of bumping into Ethan, I can't afford to do that now.

I tapped my pen against my desk calmly yet repeatedly.
I inhaled and leaned back into my chair, shutting my eyes.

I needed to think.

To think about whether I should've kissed Ethan.
To think if I should've run away like that.
To think if I was taking it too hard on letterboy
To think if I really do still like Ethan
To think if letterboy was just a big waste of time.

I just needed to think.

And for the rest of the day I carelessly stared into space and thought. It was all I could do.

//Ethan (s'been too darn long haven't seen you since you were thissss 👌🏼 small😂😂)//

My mouth fell agape at the note left on Kendall's locker. I had been looking for Kendall all of lunch and I thought she would've been here. But no Kendall, just a note, from her, to me.

Everything was just spinning in my mind.

Shut the fuck up Ethan.
Look what she wrote.

It's now or fucking never bitch.

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HEYYYY SORRY I HAVENT UPDATED IN TIMEEEE I FULLY DROPPED MY PHONE IN THE TOILET COS IM A STUPID HOE AND BOOM...THERE GOES MY PHONE. SO I HAD TO WAIT UNTIL MY DAD HAD FORGIVEN ME ENOUGH TO BUY ME A  NEW ONE...DADS A G BUYS ME IPHONE 7 WHEN HE SAID HE WOULD GIVE ME NOKIA BRICK COS ITS WATERPROOF 😂😂😂😂 I was shitting bricks cah I really thought he was gonna get me that😂😂😂