A Break Apart

CHAPTER 36. A Step to Recovery

My eyes flickered around, and there was still no sign of him. I couldn't explain why his absence bothered me so much. Maybe it was because I got used to sitting next to him, or it was the simple fact of just wanting to set my eyes on him. I was dragged out of my thoughts when the congregation started chanting, "Holy, holy, holy Lord, God of host..."

I felt sinful thinking about William during consecration.

Lord have mercy...

We got home after Mass, and I went straight for the stairs.

"You weren't focused in church today. Is everything okay?" I heard Mum say behind me.

I halted at the middle of the stairs and slowly turned around. "Yes, I'm fine."

She observed me for a second. "You don't look okay. This has something to do with William, right?" she asked, and I stayed quiet, hating how his name kept revolving around my head.

"Nadine, it's getting to two weeks now. Do you plan to remain like this? And I'm sure it's part of the reason he wasn't in church today."

I sighed. "William not being in church today has nothing to do with me. That's his own problem."

She stared at me with a bit of shock, and I realised that I had raised my voice.

"I'm sorry..." I trailed off in regret.

"It should be your problem, my dear," she continued, not picking any offense. "You brought him into the light, and it's your Christian duty to make sure he remains in the light. Staying mad at him won't do the both of you any good. And this is the second Sunday you've missed communion."

I let out a weak chuckle. "That has nothing to do with William or what happened."

"Is that so?" She folded her arms across her chest.

"Uh, Mummy, I'll be in my room. I, I have a slight headache..." I palmed my forehead and squeezed my face to make my acting believable. She sighed, clearly not buying it. I appreciated her silence with a small smile nonetheless and turned around, heading to my room.

                           ××××

Mum left for work the next morning, after so much pleading and convincing that I would be fine by myself. But I was almost going crazy just laying down like a bed-potatoe. The atmosphere felt stiff, my phone was idle, and the thought of William wouldn't leave my head. I picked up my phone from my bedside table and checked for the hundredth time; there were still no missed calls and texts messages from him. I dropped the phone back with a sigh and climbed down from my bed to take a shower.

I threw on my gym clothes after I got out of the bathroom and made sure Morphy had his breakfast before I left the house.

The walk to the gym was nerve-wracking, my legs became wobbly as I approached the building, and the knot in my chest tightened when I stood before the entrance. I took deep breaths to calm my nerves, then slowly, I exhaled my final breath and pushed the heavy glass door open, stepping in with a faux willpower.

That height, silky dark skin, striking facial features and solid muscles were hard to miss. I stood by the door, watching his enthusiastic gestures as he explained something to a lady. He looked so relaxed, carefree, and in full control of his life, and it hurt me to think that he had moved on from everything, too quickly, and easily, while I remained in hell. Worst part was the jealousy I felt seeing him talk to another girl. I had many times seen him around his female clients, but this time, it felt different, in ways that tore me to pieces.

I gulped when his eyes met mine by accident, and he held my gaze, his expression that of shock, and hope. Seeing him like that gave me a sort of relieve. The lady he stood with kept calling for his attention, but he was completely zoned out on me. The toned lady then turned to see what had got him distracted, and her pretty face contorted into a frown the moment she saw me.