Dear Evan Hansen: Erica's story

Chapter 5

  My mother looked at me kinda surprised. She just sighed and hugged me again, "Everything will be ok, Erica. We will do whatever it is that you want to do." I didn't know what I wanted anymore. Connor was gone and if he knew, there was no telling if he would have even wanted any of this. I just went deep in thought and focused on the baby. I knew that I had to go with what I believe Connor would've wanted as well as myself and I strongly believe that he would want me to keep the baby, I knew that deep down he would be looking down on us and he will help with raising our baby from above. 

I was snapped out of my thoughts again by my brother coming through the door, he makes too much noise. He walked over to where I was and hugged me. "Sorry Erica, I know you... you... um... um.... cared about him" I nodded and closed my eyes, I knew I had to tell Evan. "Evan, how do you feel about becoming an uncle?" He looked at me confused, seriously did he not get it. "I am pregnant with Connors baby." Evan finally understood and he took a few minutes to think it over. I knew he would be this way, Evan's anxiety makes him quieter than normal. "Erica, whatever you decide is also what I support." I just nodded and he went back to his room probably to talk to Jared. I mean, who else does that boy talk too. 

"Erica, I made you lunch" I heard my mom speak from the kitchen. I am actually thankful that she is home right now. I gave her a smile a got up, "Thanks, mom" She smiled back and went to watch TV. I love it when my mom makes me food, it just sucks when she isn't here to make it.

After lunch, I decided that I would look at some old things that Connor and I used to do and it actually made me smile, remembering all the crazy adventures that we went on. At that moment I heard a knock at the door. "MOM DOOR!" I yelled, I was busy and clearly not willing to move right now. I knew exactly who it was because at the same time I received a text from the one and only Zoe, it read "I am outside your place." See I love this girl because she is so obvious sometimes it makes me laugh.

"What did your last slave die of Erica?" mom asked as she went to the door, she shouldn't have brought up the word death it's way too soon for that, "Hey Eri... " I heard Zoe say as she sat beside me, I knew she wanted to cry so I wrapped my arms around her. "It's going to be ok, I hope anyway." She just nodded and looked at me and we just talked for around twenty minutes. I knew Zoe needed to cry so I took her hand and we went to my room and I she cracked the moment we got in there. I knew she needed someone strong and I hugged her until she calmed down. "Eri?" I looked at Zoe hearing her voice perk up. "How are you remaining so calm through this?" She asked.

 I knew I was going to have to tell her at some point so I did. " I have to be because... well Zolo, I am pregnant with Connors baby." She just stared at me for a few minutes. She then nodded her head slowly, this was confusing until she told me what she was doing, "It makes sense, you ignoring us all summer, the need to talk to Connor at school, you taking health... I mean how did I not see it." I just shrugged at her and she put her hand on my non-existent bump and for once Zoe smiled, I could tell that she was happy. In all fairness though, I felt a weird feeling inside of me and I think Zoe felt it too because well, I kissed Zoe Murphy in those few seconds and she kissed back. Is this love? It is the only thing I can think about right now. This is really messed up and I don't know what this is anymore.