Dear Evan Hansen: Erica's story

Chapter 18

I stepped back inside after taking a minute to process exactly what Evan had just said because surely my brother would understand not to mess with a grieving family or his own sister's feelings right? Maybe Cynthia is right and he's trying to stop a fight... then Evans words hit me.
"It wasn't an...it was an assignment from my from my therapist. Write a letter to yourself. A pep talk. "Dear Evan Hansen: Today is going to be an amazing day and here's why." I was in disbelief by this point, the whole thing with the letter, Connor quoted it and claimed I was in on some kind of joke! Yet my freaking brother lied, I was barely listening but he carried on, something like they weren't friends and Connor took his letter at school. I don't know what's worse. I fell for his scam or most of the world fell for his scam or that it actually helped people. As I was watching I started to question if any of it was real at all, I don't even know if watching Evans world fall apart right now is real. Then I remembered the bad stuff is more real than the good. The lonely feeling, heartbreak, losing respect and trust it's all a harsh but true reality, it happens to almost everyone. All of this was happening to Evan right now. He'd lost eneryones respect and Zoe just dumped him. I think he's even getting kicked out. I mean I wouldn't mind kicking him out to by this point.
I was debating on going to check on Zoe or stay here but before I could decide Larry spoke to me "you better go to. We all need to be alone and I don't know if you were apart of this but if you were you are just as bad as he is." I was just left in shock and I'd never thought for a second he would say this to me. I also love how Larry and Connor thought o was apart of this and I'm just as innocent. "Larry, I had no idea about-" I tried to protest amd I'm sure this must be a dad thing of cutting people off when they speak but he cut me off with "Erica, I told you to leave and o don't want to hear make excuses for yourself or him, so go please" I picked up Danielle and started the walk home, since Evan had took the car.
I'm in so much shock, I was actually walking home in the rain crying because I'd never felt so horrible in my life. Connor blamed me, Larry blamed me and I swear Evan feels like I could've taken that letter from Connor. You know when you read through people's comments, you see people taking about how alone they felt before and you thought you understood too. I'm starting to realize I probably didn't. I definitely feel alone and isolated now. I wasn't looking forward to school on Monday, the looks and stares I'll get. I'm going to be bullied for sure. I was so focused on getting home that I don't notice the car pulling up next to me and all to familiar voice speaking to me. "Eri, get in before you get sick." I was in disbelief to see that the voice and car belonged to Zoe. I can't believe she came after me.