How to Write a Good Story

Dialogue: The Music of Speech (II)

DIALOGUE: THE MUSIC OF SPEECH (II)

Dialogue Tags

            Dialogue tags tell us who is speaking. They may seem mundane and mechanical, but they require just as much art and craft as any other aspect of dialogue. Often a tag simply identifies the speaker ("Mary said" or "he said"), but dialogue tags have artful purposes as well. Here are some things to think about when using them.

It's best when dialogue tags are "invisible". Readers barely notice the plain and unadorned "he said/she said", so don't run to your thesaurus looking for a hundred variations.  Novelist Elizabeth George calls said "a little miracle word. . . .The reader's eye skips right over it. The brain takes in the name of the speaker, while the accompanying verb—provided it's the verb said—simply gets discarded." Used judiciously, a few other words like asked, answered, and repliedare generally invisible as well.

As for all those fancier tag lines like snarl, moan, snap, hiss, wail, whine, whimper, shout, groan, sneer, growl, they have the opposite effect. "When the writing is really doing its job," George says, "the reader will be aware that someone is shouting, snarling, thundering, moaning, or groaning. The scene will build up to it, so the writer doesn't have to use any obvious words to indicate the manner in which the speaker is speaking."

Some new writers write lines like: "You don't have the nerve," Bob goaded, or "This is the third time I've asked you," she insinuated, or "Please don't leave me," Sam beguiled. Perhaps the writer means to show her creativity, but these tags are obtrusive. They also tell rather than show. If the speaker is goading another character, show it in his facial expression, the tone of his words, or some other action. If she nags, let her repeat herself. Or maybe she interrupts. Or maybe she tries to connect every topic back to her obsession. I once knew a woman who admired Castro and Cuba so much that she managed to link every conversation to one or the other. If you were talking about saving the rainforest, she would automatically loop back to palm trees in Cuba.

            Have a look at some dialogue you've written. Are your tags invisible? Do the characters' actions show what they are feeling rather than you trying to tell the reader through wordy dialogue tags? Does the dialogue itself reveal each character? Just remember that dialogue tags are important, but they're stagehands, not the star of the show.

 Using Beats

            In actual speech, we communicate with actions as well as with words. Even though real-life dialogue is often disjointed or half-spoken, our facial expressions, tone of voice, gestures, and other body language help signal what we mean. In writing, we portray this body language through "beats".

            Also called action tags, beats are one of the most useful techniques in writing. As the dialogue proceeds, beats keep the characters and the scene alive in the mind's eye of the reader. They also help you subtly weave the character's thoughts, feelings, and/or back-story into the action. What's more, beats contribute to the music of speech because they let you control the pace of the dialogue to create excitement, suspense, and drama.

            Here's a for instance. Ellen suddenly gets up, walks to the door of her office, and closes it. Turning to Jim, she tells him that a certain file is missing. Jim reacts with a question or some comment. He might look puzzled or worried. Ellen tells him that she locked up the file the night before, but now it's gone. Maybe Jim avoids looking at her or maybe he stares in shock. Ellen, meanwhile, is wondering if she can trust Jim, not sure how much more she can say.

            Here's the dialogue in stripped-down form:

            "We've got a problem," Ellen said. 

            "Yeah?"

            "The Leland file. I locked it up last night, but now it's gone."

            "Big deal," Jim said. "Just print out another copy."

             "Jim," Ellen said, "it's gone."

            This skinny version might do the job, but it feels flat and tends to distance the reader from the characters. As an experiment, let's try adding a couple of beats:     

            Ellen walked to the door of her office and pulled it shut. "Jim," she said, turning to him, "we've got a problem."

            Jim looked up from prying the lid off his Starbucks. "Yeah?"

            "The Leland file. I locked it up last night, but now it's gone."

            "Big deal." Jim took a big gulp of coffee. "So print out another copy."

             "Jim," Ellen said, "it's gone."

            With the addition of a few beats, the scene begins to flesh out visually. As you give the reader a few details, he begins to fill in the rest. We don't have to know every object in Ellen's office, but we see that it offers privacy. Also, the deliberate way she walks to the door, shuts it, and then turns to Jim hints that she's weighing everything she does or says. We don't know a lot about Jim either, but he seems so addicted Starbucks that he can barely pay attention when someone is talking to him. Then again, maybe he uses the coffee as a sinister means of hiding his reaction when Ellen mentions the missing file.

            For fun and practice, try playing with this same dialogue, adding beats to see what happens. The possibilities are endless, but keep the beats sparing. Too many will interrupt the action. Here's another variation:

            "We've got a problem," Ellen said, watching Jim's face.   

             "Yeah?" His look said nothing.

            "The Leland file. I locked it up last night, but now it's gone."

            Jim shrugged. "Big deal.  Just print out another copy."

             "Jim," Ellen said, "it's gone."

            In some dialogue, of course, dialogue tags are enough and you won't need any beats at all. A good approach is to write the dialogue first, then go back to see whether a beat or two might help suggest emotion, keep the scene vivid in the reader's imagination, drop a hint, or add suspense by providing pauses to heighten the moment. 

            The valuable technique of beats is one of those where art and craft meet. Beats require a delicate touch, fine tuning, and an ear for the music of speech.