How to Write a Good Story

Omniscient Narrator & Third Person Voice (III)

Developing a Solid Third Person Point of View

Point of view is one of the biggest issues I see in my client's manuscripts. Writers working in first person tend to do pretty well, but those writing in third person tend to have a problem – they blend third person limited with omniscient.

Now last week I went over the differences between head hopping and omniscient POV, but today I want to look at how writers can blend third limited and omniscient without even realizing it. This blending can keep your work stuck at an amateur level and could be a red flag for agents and editors.

Let's start by looking at an example:

Jane couldn't take it anymore. It was books, books, books, all day long. Boring! Her cheeks turned red. If only something cool would happen, something exciting. She sighed. Behind her, John approached the library desk and cleared his throat. Jane jumped and turned around. She smiled at him, but it seemed shallow, required. She clutched an index card in her hand and didn't realize that she was twisting it so hard it was tearing. John was such a bozo. Why wouldn't he just go away? She didn't know that in just two weeks they'd be dating.

So this excerpt blends omniscient and third person limited pretty badly. If you want to practice spotting the difference between the two, try to mark which sentences are which viewpoint before reading on.

Here's the same passage again with the third person limited bold and italics, omniscient in italics, and neutral lines without bold or italics.

Jane couldn't take it anymore. It was books, books, books, all day long. Boring! Her cheeks turned red. If only something cool would happen, something exciting. She sighed. Behind her, John approached the library desk and cleared his throat. Jane jumped and turned around. She smiled at him, but it seemed shallow, required. She clutched an index card in her hand and didn't realize that she was twisting it so hard it was tearing. John was such a bozo. Why wouldn't he just go away? She didn't know that in just two weeks they'd be dating.

There is a lot of jumping in this passage between third limited and omniscient. This is often how my clients' novels look when we first start working together. Blending limited and omniscient can easily be an amateur writer's primary reason for rejection.

So how can you fix it? First, you must decide which viewpoint you actually want to write in. For most writers, this is third limited because they enjoy using the voice of their characters. Also, most writers find third limited easier to grasp than omniscient. But you should choose whichever is better suited to your book and writing style.

If you want to write in omniscient:

Your novel's voice is the voice of a narrator, which means the voice never changes no matter which characters are the focus of the scene.

The narrator is separate from your character, meaning that opinions expressed are those of the narrator. If you write "Boring!" then it is the narrator's opinion that the library is boring, not the character's opinion. However, not all narrators are opinionated.

Likewise, any questions asked in the narrative are coming from the narrator. If you write "Would Jane work in the library forever?" it is the narrator who is asking the question, not Jane.

If character observations are necessary, they must be strongly attributed to the character, for example: "Jane thought John was a bozo," "Jane wondered if she'd work at the library for the rest of her life," etc.

If you want to write in third limited:

The point of view character is the narrator, so the narration must always be in the character's voice.

Nothing can be narrated that the character cannot see. For example: the POV character cannot see behind herself, she cannot see her cheeks redden, etc.

Nothing can be narrated that the character cannot know. For example: what another character is thinking, what will happen in the future, anything she is doing without her own awareness (such as tearing the index card).

Character observations should not be strongly attached to the character (also known as filtering) because it creates distance between the reader and character (and possibly forms the illusion of a narrator). For example: "Jane thought John was a bozo." should just be "John was a bozo."

Developing a solid third person point of view can separate you from amateurs and propel your novel higher up in the submission stack. If you're still not clear on the difference between omniscient point of view and head hopping, check out the article from last week. Still have questions? Put them in the comments.