How to Write a Good Story

Dialogue: The Music of Speech (III)

DIALOGUE: THE MUSIC OF SPEECH (III)

Lost in Space Syndrome

            Though we want dialogue tags to be invisible, that doesn't mean they shouldn't exist. I once edited a 200,000-word first novel by a writer who used not a single dialogue tag. Somewhere, somehow, he had gotten the notion that he should avoid them like the plague. Maybe this young writer considered it a tour de force to write a whole novel without a single attribution, but the humble dialogue tag has its place.

            For example, dialogue makes a great opening hook, but only if you identify the speaker. I've seen many a new writer open a story or chapter with some dramatic line of speech, but without a clue who is speaking. I call this the Lost in Space Syndrome. The reader has no idea whether the dialogue is wafting down from God, floating over from a nearby TV or radio, or even some form of skywriting. As writers, we can easily imagine the scene, the characters, and the situation, but the reader can't read our minds.

            If it's the main character speaking in your opener, let us know immediately in order to establish point of view. If it's not the main character, it's even more crucial to identify who's who. As the writer, you know perfectly well who is speaking. To the reader, an unidentified speaker is simply a disembodied voice. Here's an example:

 

 "Where are we?"

            The sun was going down. The forest, so fresh and cool an hour before, was growing colder by the second. The chatter and warble of birds died away, and for a moment, nothing moved, nothing stirred.

 

            We get the setting and we sense the mood, but what's that ghostly question flapping in the breeze in line 1? If it's the main character speaking, signal the reader immediately. The sooner we get inside his or her thoughts and feelings, the better. If it's somebody talking to the main character, all the more must you signal that fact in order to establish point of view.

Here's a revision that leaves no doubt that the speaker is also the main character. Through interior dialogue, dialogue tags, and beats, you can tell immediately that Carol is the protagonist and who else is present:

"Where are we?" Carol said, but John just kept on walking. With the sun going down, the forest was growing colder by the minute.

 "John," she said, a little louder this time, "are we lost?" Again he didn't answer, and that scared her even more. The chatter and warble of birds died away, and for a moment, nothing moved, nothing stirred.

 

Now let's take the same dialogue, but this time the first speaker is not the main character. Using the identical techniques of adding tags, interior dialogue, and beats, this time you can let the reader know that John is the main character and Carole is secondary, even though she speaks first:

"Where are we?" Carol said.

            John heard her, but just kept walking on ahead. The sun was going down, and the forest was growing colder by the second.

            "John, are we lost?" Her voice was louder this time.

            Again, he didn't answer. Being lost was bad enough. He didn't want a panicked woman on his hands, too.