Russian Roulette (Royce)

Downhill

::Jacob's P.O.V::

My uncle hasn't come back yet, it's been a whole week, and he hasn't come back yet. I'm still mad at him, but I can't lie and say that I'm not the least bit worried. I asked my mom where she think he went and she said she didn't know. I tried to call him a couple of times but he never answered. I didn't want him to come back per say, I just wanted to know that he was alright.

"Jacob" "hm?" I asked as I looked at Chresanto and Elijah, "this is the fifth time you've zoned out" Elijah said seriously, I was suddenly nudged by Rayan, he was sitting next to me. "You sure you're okay?" He asked, I nodded and said "mhm, I'm sure". We had a half day at school today, so after school ended we just decided to hang out. We were walking down the street, going no where in particular. 

"Can I get on your back?" Chresanto suddenly asked me, I nodded. I stopped walking and he jumped on, he placed his arms on my shoulders and his legs around my waist, I began to walk again. "I need to find a girl to get on my back" Rayan said, "didn't you get a whole bunch of girls' numbers at the mall that one time?" Elijah asked. "Yeah, but I didn't really like any of them as much as I thought I would" he explained. 

I smiled a little, "maybe you should actually try and get to know one of them?" "I did though, we talked for, like, twenty minutes". "Ray" Elijah laughed, "twenty minutes is not enough time to get to know someone". "It's not?" "No" "oh, well". I shook my head a little, "where are we even going?" "I honestly don't know" Chresanto said. "It's hot" "we should get ice cream!" Ray said loudly. "Why're you so loud?" Elijah asked, "I don't know". 

>>*<<

"That's not what happened though, Jessica told Hannah who told Miley who told Anna, who told me that she fucked him" Ray said as he stared at his ice cream cone. "Son, you lost me at Miley" Chresanto said, I chuckled "he lost me at Hannah" Elijah replied. "What the hell is Anna talking to you for anyway?" I asked curiously, Ray shrugged and said "I don't know, I think she wants the D". "Don't she go with Brandon though?" Elijah asked, "mhm" he hummed. 

"So.... Why would she want the D from you?" Chresanto questioned, "cause Brandon has small hands, thumbs specifically". I laughed a little, "now what in the hell does thumbs have to do with anything?" Elijah said. "Well, supposedly a guy's dick is three times the size of his thumb" Ray explained, I looked at him for a minute then grabbed Chresanto's hand and looked at his thumb. "Damn" I said, he pulled his hand away and looked at me. "Jacob, you nasty" Elijah said, I shrugged a little "I gotta make sure he gotta big one, he do too". 

"Chill, I don't wanna talk about your boyfriend's dick" Ray said, "I'm sorry" I apologized, Chres nudged me and I looked at him. He pecked my lips and I smiled, "I can't stop looking at my thumbs" Elijah said lightly. Ray sighed and pushed Elijah's hands under the table, "thanks" "mhm". "So, back to Jessica and Anna" I said, "Jessica fucked Tyler already? And Anna wants the D?" Ray nodded "yup". "That's crazy" "have you heard anything about Heather?" Chresanto asked suddenly, Ray looked at him "actually, yeah, I have. I heard she's trying to stop taking Ritalin like fucking cocaine because of you".

"Aye, good job!" Elijah said as he brought his hand up for a high five, Chres gave him one. "Yeah, I told her that it could kill her and shit" he explained, "I also heard you used to have a thing for her? Back in elementary school?" Ray asked. He nodded, "mhm, but I don't now, she's changed a whole lot since then, got a lot bitchier". "How do you find out all of this information?" I asked curiously, "you know, Jessica, Anna, Heather?" "That's what happens when you hang around a lot of girls". "Nah, that's what happens when you hang around the girl's bathroom a lot" Elijah said, "you know damn well you be creepin'".

>>*<<

"Have you heard from your uncle yet?" Chresanto asked me as we walked to his house. I shook my head and said "no, I tried calling... But he doesn't answer". "Oh" "mhm", Chresanto held my hand and took in a deep breath. "I'm still sorry for that" I added, "it's okay" he replied. 

I looked around, "do you ever get scared living around here?" "All the time". I looked behind me and saw the same woman that we had passed not too long ago. She was clutching onto her small purse, like she might lose it if she were to ever let go. I shook my head a little, "do you know anybody here?" "No, and I don't care to, all of the people know me though. Romelo August, Lorenzo's son. Romelo August, the loner. Romelo August, the virgin".

I looked at him, "it's crazy, the amount of people who ask me for drugs" "I thought you don't sell?" "I don't, but they never listen, they always ask me and I always say the same thing 'I don't have any drugs'". It was silent for a while, "I can't wait until I leave this place". "Where would you go?" I asked, "I don't know yet, still trying to figure that all out". 

>>*<<

::Chresanto's P.O.V::

"My dad got some more" I said as I held out a freshly rolled blunt, Jacob looked at me. "He didn't notice the last time?" He asked, I shook my head "no". He finally took the blunt from me, I placed the one I got for myself in between my lips and lit it with the lighter I had found. I lit his too. 

I sat down on my bed, and Jacob happily laid on the floor. He looked at me and smiled, "I love you" "I love you, too" I answered. I watched him as he blew out smoke and closed his eyes, "I gotta do this more often". I thought about my day as I sat there and smoked the blunt. I thought about when we were getting ice cream and how Jacob grabbed my hand and looked at my thumb. I don't know if it was because I was smoking weed or if I really wanted to, but I wanted to do it with Jacob. I wanted to have sex with him. 

I really loved him and I wanted him to know that, I admit, I'm somewhat afraid of what he'll say if I tell him this and I'm scared of how it's all going to go. It will hurt, I definitely know that, but I'm pretty sure it will all be worth it in the end. How do I tell him this without being embarrassed and without all my nervousness showing?

"Are you okay?" I blinked a couple of times and watched Jacob crawl over to me. I looked at him, "mhm" "you sure?" I continued to look at him, even as I brought my blunt back to my lips. I nodded, "yeah, I'm sure". He suddenly smiled a little, "your face gets really flushed when you smoke weed". "Sorry" I apologized, "not your fault, it's kind of cute actually". I let him take my hand in his as he sat in front of me, he played with my fingers and I bit my lip lightly. How in the hell was this supposed to work? How do you just tell someone that you wanna fuc- I mean, have sex with them? I don't understand. 

"You look like you wanna tell me something" he suddenly stated with a small chuckle, "I do?" "Mhm, go ahead" he looked at our hands as he pressed his palm against mine. I stared at him for while, I guess I took to long to answer him because he looked back up at me. "What is it?" 

I couldn't tell him, I was too much of a damn wreck to tell him. I ended up just kissing him, I pulled him up to me and kissed him. Of course, he kissed back. That's all I wanted was for him to kiss me and for me to kiss him because I couldn't get my words out the way I really wanted to. "Mmm" Jacob hummed lightly as my hand found his hair, one of his hands gripped my hip and the other was on the bed. I wanted him so bad. 

I reached out for the buttons on his shirt and began to unbutton one at a time, he didn't seem to mind because he began to pull my shirt up over my head. He suddenly stopped and pulled away, "we should stop" he said as he shook his head a little, "I'm sorry, I'm going too fast..." I shook my head and looked at him, "Jacob, I kissed you, you didn't kiss me. I'm....." I took a deep breath, "I wanna do it, I'm ready". He looked at me, "Chres, don't play with me". "I'm not, I'm completely serious! I wanna.... I wanna have sex with you".

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Sorry for any mistakes.

Love,

Me