Russian Roulette (Royce)

"Not anymore"

::Jacob's P.O.V::

"Please pick up, please pick up" I whispered as I nervously paced around my room. "Hello?" I stopped walking and stared blankly at the floor. "Hello?" He repeated, I took a deep breath and ran my free hand through my hair, "Jacob, say some shit". "Hi" I said lightly, "hey". "What do you want?" "I... I just really wanted to talk to you, Chresanto, I've been calling bu-" "I know" "you never answered" I finished.

"Yeah, sorry, I was... Um, thinking". "You've been missing a lot of school" "yeah" "I, um, I've been collecting your homework from your teachers, just in case you come back.... Where are you?" "Thanks, and I, uh, I can't tell you that.... Just in case you, um, you tell your uncle, sorry". 

"Yeah, no, I-I understand" I said, I sighed lightly and began to regret calling him. "How have you been?" He suddenly asked, "I've been okay" "and your mom?" "She's been good". I bit my lip lightly, "Chres, I miss you, and I'm really sorry.... And I know you don't want to hear any of this but I can't stop saying it. I'm sorry, it was a mistake.

"Before I began to help my uncle, I really did love you, and I still do. I don't know if you still feel the same, I surely hope so, but I can't keep going through days without atleast hearing your voice. I feel so fucking guilty when I don't see you at school and when our chemistry teacher calls your name when she's taking attendance, which she's stop doing recently because she's finally understood that you may not be coming anytime soon, but I haven't.

"Chresanto, I fucking miss you and this damn pain and guilt is eating at my heart. I can't stop thinking about you and the moments that we shared. When we met in the mall, when we played Too Hot, w-when we kissed" I was crying now, "when I took your virginity. I love you and I'm so, so, fucking sorry". I sniffed and wiped at my eyes with my jacket sleeve. It was silent for a long time. 

::Chresanto's P.O.V::

I stared at the ceiling as I processed all of what Jacob had said to me. I shook my head a little but didn't say anything. "Chres, please, I'm.... I'm sorry. I know there's no other way for me to say it, but I just, I can't go on like this, faking that I'm fine without you" he confessed. I wiped at my eyes and sniffed, I wasn't supposed to cry. He wasn't supposed to make me cry. He wasn't supposed to make me want him back, I was supposed to be fine without him and happier with Chrstian. I didn't need him because he used me. 

I turned my head to the side and saw Christian standing in the doorway. He was giving me a worried look and I wiped at my eyes before motioning him to leave. I couldn't look at him, and be on the phone with Jacob at the same time. He didn't move from his spot, he frowned a little and played with his lip piercing as he thought to himself. I sighed and turned my back to him, I couldn't take this right now.

"Look, I forgive you, okay? But... There's no way I can come back to you, our dad doesn't want me near you anymore" I explained lightly, "I miss you too and I want to keep in contact with you because I'm not coming back to school anytime soon, I'm stuck in the middle of nowhere" "with me" Christian suddenly whispered in my ear. I flinched and looked at him, I forgot he never really left. 

I stared at him and took a deep breath, "I miss you too, Jacob, I really do. I wanna see you again and hold your hand and do all that lovely dovey shit" I heard him laugh a little, "I love you, Chresanto.... And you don't have to say it back, I just want you to know that I still do love you" he said lightly. I bit my lip lightly, "I... I love you too, Jacob. It was nice hearing from you after so long, I'll call you later, okay?" "Okay". I set my phone down and turned back over to find Christian standing in the middle of the room, "so I guess that kiss the other day was nothing, huh?" He asked lightly. 

Fuck, I completely forgot. "I'm sorry" I apologized, "no, I should be saying sorry, I shouldn't've kissed you. I should've listened to what you told me, but I didn't" he replied. I stared at him and held my head in my hands, "I'm just as guilty though, I kissed you back when I shouldn't have". I looked up, "so what now? We pretend like it never happened?"

"I-I don't know, we can if you want" "well, I just thought that would be best, considering you still love Jacob" "I can't stop loving him, he's my brother an-" "And your boyfriend" "no, well.... I don't know, he's not here and I don't think there's a point in being in a relationship with a person who I can't see every day". "You're confusing me to the max right now, man" Christian said, I smiled a little "sorry". 

I motioned for him to come over to me, he did and I pulled him down next to me. "I just miss him is all" I murmured, he nudged me a little "yeah, I know" "but you're here and he isn't" I added. "Mhm" "and I guess I need something new anyway" I said, Christian looked at me and I didn't know if it was because I really liked him or if I just needed someone to fill the hole in my heart, but we kissed again. He pulled me closer to him, to the point where I could feel his warmth and I ran my hand down his arm. The kiss could've gone somewhere, but my phone suddenly buzzed. 

"Hold on, wait" I said lightly as I pulled away from Christian, I picked up my phone and looked at it. 

Jacob: You never hung up.

I felt this lump form in the back of my throat as I stared at my phone, he was right. The call was still in session. 

Jacob: I heard everything.

Jacob: Fuck you. 

I watched as the call suddenly ended and I sat there just staring at my phone. "What's wrong?" Christian suddenly asked, "n-nothing.... I just.... Nothing" I replied. I closed my eyes and rested my head in my hands. "Fuck" I cursed under my breath, "I fucked up, bad". My phone suddenly began to vibrate and I didn't hesitate to pick it up. 

::Jacob's P.O.V::

"Jaco-" "How the hell are you gonna rep that 'I miss you' bullshit but then go tell some other nigga that you want something new!?" I asked seriously, "I'm old shit now, Chres? Huh? You want something new, am I too old and worn out for you now or somethin?'" I was beyond pissed right now. "I spilled my damn heart out to you just a couple of minutes ago about how I can't go a day without thinking of you and how I'm tired of faking that I'm fucking okay without you, and you're over there swapping spit with some other bastard!" I yelled. 

"Chresanto, if you ain't feel the same way you should've said that shit instead of lying to me. I told you, you didn't have to say 'I love you' back, but you did, and I thought you said it back because you actually did love me and you actually did miss me too, but you just fucking said it just so I could hear it. You didn't mean it obviously".

"Jacob, listen, I didn't mean it like tha-" "Then how the fuck did you mean it!? There's no other way to put it, Chres!" My head was starting to hurt because of how worked up I was getting. "Just...." I took a deep breath, "you said there's no point in dating anymore, so we're not. You're free to do whatever the hell you want with him, I don't care". "Jacob, you know you don't mean that" Chresanto replied, "you know it". He was right, I didn't, but I was blinded by rage that I couldn't see things through.

"No, I do, Chresanto. He's there and I'm not, so just have the fucking time of your life with the bastard and I hope Hell treats you two well beca-" "But that's our thing" he suddenly said lightly, "I was supposed to go to Hell with you". "Well not anymore, you said you need 'something new' and I guess so do I". I hung up.
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..... I gotta stop updating late, anywho sorry for any mistakes. I don't think I like this chapter either, but hopefully you all will, maybe?
Love,
Me.
P.S. Any thoughts?