hi
im dating a straight guy
i don't think i realized how the anxiety of that would make me feel
the constant worrying of if he actually cares about me
the constant worrying of if he tries to block out the fact im trans
it's a lot
i didn't realize it would be so stressful
i don't think i should've said i'd date him
only because .. he asked me out at 2 am
neither of us were thinking about it properly
i should've said no , you're tired , ask again tomorrow if you mean it .
but i was tired and depressed and i wanted this so bad
he's the guy i made so many chapters about
the one that didn't like me
because im trans
i love him
i did for a long time
it hurt not to be able to tell him
but now that i can
i do
and he says it back
but i don't even know if he feels the same way
i don't .. know anymore
im just worried
oh , as i type this i remember i didn't take my anxiety pills today , oops
