Throughout my life, words have been everything. I write with them to ease my own mind and also use them to comfort others.
The title is very much reflective of the time during which I wrote these. Hazyfantazy, a nickname given to me by friends a...
Feelings, they are powerful, be it good or be it bad I can deal with most of them, but FEAR gets me mad At myself at first, for feeling to weak to fight it off Once it has gripped me and enveloped me I'm at its mercy, until it decides it's had enough.
Emotions, again, I feel and I deal With real FEAR I can bargain, decide what I need to do to depart Remove myself from the situation, in which it has me.
Another FEAR for me, from which I find it hard to find reprieve Is irrational FEAR, this one knows me too well, this one can always tell When to approach me and how to goad me Into its spiralling hell.
Rationalise! I tell myself, think this thing through Do you deserve this FEAR, is it affecting you My rationality is weak, decides to play hide and seek It goes to a place where I cannot find it No matter how hard I look.
It starts with the stomach churns, unusual sensations of chilling and burns Am I hot? Am I cold? I can't feel anything real now For it has me wrapped up, Like a present for its Master. Offering me up gladly and it knows me so well It can transport me from happiness, into shivering hell.
My mind races with pace, I cannot stop the roulette that is now my brain Running images of "What if's" through my ever panicking mind I'm now shaking with the FEAR, it has stepped up a gear Decides that now is the time, to play further with my mind I can't think straight, I'm caught, my body is tense, my muscles are taught The adrenaline pumps through me with a charging force To convince my entire body, that there is a reason for this FEAR mission.
In the beginning I would succumb, sometimes for hours on end Crawling into a ball, looking for my friend, rationality Where are you? Please come back to me now. I need you to tell me I need you to show me, somehow, a way out of this place.
I don't belong here, I'm scared but it would hide for a little longer, that it should I would always wait for it, as that was all that I could do Wait.
Now that FEAR I refer to, still chaps my door from time to time Only now I'm prepared and I can foretell the signs Sure it can still gain entry, without me knowingly opening the door But once it's inside, it gets told, "No more!".
My irrations FEARs, will probably visit me forever At least now I have the weaponery, and am far more clever, Than it is with its tactics and mind games galore My weapons are stronger and rationality protects me once more.
It doesn't play the same hide and seek games, as the years before It's straight by my side as soon as it hears the familiar knock at the door.
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