Bipolar

Chapter 4: Cracks

It was when I moved to High School, my mental stability truly started to crack violently.

I was scared. I was so scared. I was scared that I would have no friends. That everyone would hate me. That I wouldn't fit in.

I guess that's what everyone thinks when they move from Junior High to High School, but I was right. It wasn't that I stood out as a weirdo, but it was more of that fact that I was so invisible, people never realised I existed.

And when they did, they would get bored with my interests and just leave.

I soon made two 'friends' called Hetty and Sam. Both of them made me feel so welcome at first. I was so comfortable, that I forgot about Momo for a while.

That was how I learned my lesson: Trust no one. I would always be betrayed.

It started off with Hetty's games of 'hide and seek'. Where she would always run off with Sam and I was permanently stuck as the seeker. And the seeker was the victim.

Of backstabbing.

Its okay. Its just a game of hide and seek. I'm fine. I have friends, and I'm not alone.

I would always think that, but sometimes I would subconsciously start to look really down and someone would comment and ask: "Are you okay?". In these moments, I would realise how my sanity would soon break if I didn't do something. I would realise how unimportant I was.

Hetty and Sam still care. They still like me.

But I knew internally that Hetty absolutely DESPISED me, and that Sam was like her minion. Someone that would follow her around because she didn't trust me.

They would both get upset in the smallest things I did, and try to ditch me, or ignore me. In the end,I would have to find them and apologize - for saving them from detention by not giving them my work to copy. Or for not talking to them for a lesson.

I didn't realise that I wasn't relevant. To them. To the Teacher. To the school. To anyone.

I was just an invisible piece of nothingness.

I didn't realise then how I was slowly cracking more and more on the inside.