The Devil In Disguise

CHAPTER 11: A Little Butterfly

This was why I couldn't be stupid. Because people like her would get hurt. If I hadn't been so stupid when I met him, none of this would have ever happened. I would have been safe. Katy would have been safe. There wasn't a day that went by when I didn't think of her, and there never would be.

Replacing the photos, I vowed not to be this stupid. I thought of it like this: all my stupidity used up, in one night. For the rest of the year, I'd be responsible.

I scoffed silently. He'll find me anyways.

***

Monday was back and so was my anxiety. What would people say? I hadn't answered any messages or even looked at them. I'd have to face everyone.

Someone had rung the doorbell yesterday. Mum had called me from downstairs, telling me that it was for me but I pretended I was too ill. She doesn't know what happened, but my friends did, and they got the point. I wanted to be alone. So after contemplating whether to ring the bell again and then deciding against it, they left.

I took a deep breath before I pushed open the door to form this morning.

Immediately after I walked in, all eyes were on me and silence fell. Obviously the news had spread.

"What happened, why's everyone staring at her?" one oblivious girl with strawberry-blonde hair whispered. But the sound sliced through the air in the thick silence.

"Some guy tried to take advantage of her but Xander saved her. Thank goodness for him — some people said she was literally passed out," another whispered back.

That was it. I didn't want to face this.

I sharply turned around and walked back out of form, feeling like I'd been stripped of my dignity.

***

I sat on a worn wooden bench on the field at lunch, behind some trees. No one was allowed on the field unless it was summer, which was exactly why I came; I wanted to be alone.

Taking my lunch out, I looked at my sandwich. Made from the loving hands of my mother, yet I felt so nauseous that even the fresh smell of the soft bread made my stomach turn.

Birds sung melodically in trees like nothing was wrong in the world. The leaves swayed noisily in the breeze which was getting colder as we got closer to winter. Nature's natural smell wafted up my nose and took away some of my nausea; if only it could take away my thoughts.

Everyone thought I was a helpless girl in need of a saviour. I decided I didn't care because, honestly, caring about what others thought is what made me a victim two years ago, when I last went to school. I gave them a reaction; they liked it, so they continued insulting me and I continued getting hurt.

But all I could think about was what could have happened. I was terrified; my life could have gone so fucking wrong — even more screwed up than it already is. Would that guy have sexually assaulted me? I didn't even know his name yet he scared me so much. This feeling was so similar to what I felt when he was first after me; I hadn't known his name or anything about him, except that he made fear sprint through my veins.

I took a pointless bite of my sandwich but it felt like sand in my mouth, tasteless and plain even though the flavours burst on my taste buds like flowers in spring. Leaning back on the bench, I swallowed the mouthful like a tablet, and closed my eyes, taking a deep breath.