Where Are You?

CHAPTER FIVE~

* Assalamu Aleikum, This chapter is dedicated to khadija_Ibnaswaar. She's awesome MashaAllah :)

Patience or sabr is the ability to hold back. Remaining calm and keeping one's cool. Sabr is a very important virtue for a believer. Our beloved prophet, may peace and blessings be upon him, once said:whoever practices sabr Allah gives him sabr. And no one can be given anything better or far-reaching than sabr.

So being patient is in no way suffering in silence. Patience is golden.

I reminded myself.

"Subhanallah, she's so old  and still not married." A voice said.

"Why does she cover herself like that? No man will marry her."

"Because she's hideous." That was definitely a female voice.

Ya Allah, give me strength. This is why I hated coming to the market; they talked ill about me. Alot of sisters wore nikkab, mashaAllah, but they always picked on me. It's like I had a sign or something on top of my head. Am just going to buy the things mother wanted and I'll be out of here, I consoled myself. I scanned the area, locating Aishah's stall. Aishah was an elderly woman who was tolerable compared to her colleagues. Atleast she let me buy her goods.

"Assalamu aleykum aun-Aishah." I used to call her aunty as a sign of respect but she told me never to call her that again because we were age mates. What? She also said I could call her my sister, She was right on that one. She was my sister in Islam.

"What is it?" She huffed. She never acknowledged my greetings.

"Um I wanted to buy so-"

"Hey, are you married yet? If not what are you waiting for? " Aishah asked. "Am telling you, you're going to be barren if you keep on waiting."

"Allah has control over everything." I told her.

"True, but there's also menopause." She spat. Ya Allah, I was only eighteen. She was talking as if I was an old woman. Besides, Allah can bless you with children at a very old age. For example, Prophet Zakariyah (peace be upon him) who was a descendant of Prophet Suleiman was an illustrious Prophet of the Isrealites who was old and bent with age. He was in his nineties and his one disappointment in life was he had no children, for his wife was barren and way past childbearing age. But he prayed to Allah and he was given the glad tidings of a son. A son who also became a Prophet. Prophet Yahya(Peace be upon him) Indeed, if you put your trust in Allah, nothing is impossible.

"Hey! "Aishah said poking me on the shoulder.

"Sorry, what? "I said.

"I said you'll never get married. Atleast no decent man will want you as a wife." She said. I looked at her, shocked at her serious yet sad tone. What was wrong with me?

"I heard all the young men swore to never seek your hand in marriage." She continued."You'll end up alone if you continue to stay in this town."

So that was why I never got a single proposal.

I feared Allah and I never engaged myself in the haraam (prohibited) things. I always lowered my gaze and dressed according to what Islam taught us. I obeyed and listened to my parents. I respected people, young and old, weak or strong. For, to be respected, you should earn it first by respecting others.

And I always, always pray to Allah to guide and protect me from all the negative temptations in our modern world, for am just a weak human and without Him I am nothing.

I know I am not perfect but I struggle to be a better person. A better muslimah.

Aishah was not lying. She was even looking at me with pity. 

"Am not alone. I know Allah is with me." I said confidently. But the truth was I felt really worthless. 

I quickly bought the stuff and Alhamdulillah Aishah didn't say another word. On my way home, I couldn't help but reflect on what I learned from the market place. But it came down to just one word. Why.

Why?

I spent years thinking about the day I'll get married. Praying to Allah to keep my future husband safe. I knew I loved him even though I've never seen him. But who knew what he was upto? Did he even think about me like I did him? Even once?

I can't believe I've been so stupid. I thought about him and his wellbeing like I was actually his wife.

Who is 'him' anyway?  

I don't know and I don't care.

Dear future husband I hate you.

So much.