Letting You In.

Just Friends!

The term had started off weird for me and I wasn't going to let it continue that way. Or so I told myself. The plan was to make friends, have fun, and do great in my classes. Nothing was supposed to stand in my way.

During the weekend, we did not have classes. No classes meant I was not going to be seeing Roy. Was I happy about that? Yes! Did I stay happy throughout the weekend? No! Even though I kept busy throughout the weekend and tried with all my might not to think about him, I couldn't help but be excited when Monday morning came, and I could finally lay my eyes on him. What the heck was wrong with me!

I sat in class. tapping my foot, biting my nail, desperately waiting for Roy to walk into my class. My classroom was on the way to his class and most of the times he would stop by to say hi to his friends.

My heart started getting heavy and before I knew it Roy was there. He stood at the entrance with his friend Kevin, having a conversation. It was weird. My heart could actually feel his presence before I could see him. I could feel him coming. I watched him as he talked, his hands in his pocket, after a while he crossed his arms around his chest, Kevin said something, and he smiled. He smiled! Watching him smile filled my heart with butterflies. He turned his head and his eyes met mine. I turned my gaze away so fast my neck hurt. But he saw me! He caught me staring at him. My heart throbbed so much I thought I was going to die. My hands went cold. I turned back to look at him, but he'd left, and Kevin was walking into the class. I sighed, dropping my head onto the desk and accidentally hit my forehead hard. "OW!" I touched my forehead in pain.

"You good?" Kevin said as he passed by me.

"Yeah, I'm fine!" I smirked. He stared at me analytically squinting his eyes before he decided to take a seat in front of me instead of continuing to his seat. I stared at him confused.

"We haven't really talked. I'm Kevin!" He said as he crossed his arms over the desk.

"I know!" I exclaimed. He smiled. "So, how are you liking Beverly so far? Not as great as you thought it would be, is it?"

"It is! I like it! It's better that Lockwood!" "You must think this is heaven having come from Lockwood, huh!" He laughed. I rolled my eyes. "Oh c'mon! Nuns?" "I know! It was the only public boarding school that had my combination. My dad did not want at a private school or day school." I shrugged. "But here you are!" He said before reaching out for my left cheek and squeezing it. "Has anyone ever told you that you have such adorable squeezable cheeks?" I glared at him.

"Stop!" I said as I pushed his hand away. "Anyway, I am here because I got sick at Lockwood. I wouldn't be here otherwise. You know how nuns are! They are so strict; they wouldn't even let me have what I needed for proper treatment." "Poor you, Haha!" I glared at him for laughing. "I'm happy you are here!" He added. The teacher walked into the classroom. "See you later!" He squeezed my cheek again before he left for his seat.

"What was that about?" Carly said as she sat beside me. She'd been over at Amy's seat gossiping. "Nothing! He was just saying hi, I guess." I turned my head to glance at him and he smiled at me. I smiled back before I turned my head back to the front.

Later in the day during lunch period, I stayed in class while everybody else went down for lunch. I had had a big breakfast, so I wasn't hungry. I sat at my desk, writing my story. After a few minutes, I heard a voice say hi and my heart jumped. I looked up and it was Roy.

"What are you doing here? Not going for lunch?" He asked as he stood over me.

"Ahh... Uhm...!" I stared at him dumb founded. He took a seat in front of me, and I pressed my lips against each other trying to hide my smile.

"So, what are you up to?" He asked.

"Uhm, I'm just writing a story." I said as I put my hands over my notebook to hide what I was writing from him. "A story, huh! What's it about?" I couldn't hide my smile anymore. He had sat with me, and he was interested in knowing what I was writing. I got excited.

"I just started this one so I'm still finding out."

"Are you good?" I stared at him confused. "The stories you write. Are they interesting?"

"Uhm, as far as I've heard, yes!" I stuttered. He smiled. "Okay! You should let me read one sometime" he said. "Uhm, yeah, sure... maybe I will!" It then went silent for a bit. The awkward silence. His eyes were fixated on me, and I did not know where to look or what to do. He could tell I was being shy and avoiding eye contact. He grinned at my awkwardness, and it made me so uncomfortable yet electrified.

"You are cool!" My heart tensed as I gazed at him unable to breathe. "We could definitely be friends!" He added. Friends! I was unsure about how to feel about that suggestion. Why was he talking about becoming friends with me? Had he noticed me staring at him all the time? Did he know I was crushing hard on him, so he decided to friendzone me? I did not know what to think.

"Let's talk more later!" He said before he got up and left. I smirked. Friends? I thought to myself again. Was that a good or bad thing? At least as friends we could talk more, right? I was unsure how this would go.

Half into the term, I was doing alright. I had made a lot of friends, I was doing great in my classes, came in first position for midterms in my class replacing Mike Packston. Not sure how he felt about it, but he looked.... okay. Mike was great. He was the class president and the student body president. He had it all going for him.

Despite everything, I'd changed. I had become somebody else. Something else. I'd become somebody I never thought I could be. I was overly sensitive, emotional, angry, jealous... so many emotions I'd never felt before. Maybe Carly and Alex were right. I had spent most of my secondary school in all-girls schools and they could not stop teasing me about it. Perhaps being around boys boosted my hormones and I could not help it. From the first moment I'd seen Roy, he'd entranced me. He was complicated though. My friends called him a robot because he acted like one. He showed no emotions at all. I had had a couple conversations with him where most of the times we were just studying together, and we had become friends. But that was all. There had been nothing serious about our conversations. He was not open with me, he was reserved, and ... Allison! She was my friend, but I hated how much time she spent with Roy. They were always together. They were in different classes, but they always found time to hang out with each other. He would either go to her class or she would go to his. I was in a different class too, so I was the happiest when we had joint lessons or when he would come to my classroom to see his friends or study with me. Then I could see him.

The first term went by fast and when time came, we had to go home. I was excited to go home but that also meant I wasn't going to be seeing Roy for two weeks. I had failed to control my feelings. I said I wasn't going to let anything change me but what I felt for Roy was love at first sight! Of course, I tried to tell myself otherwise, but it was of no use. Especially not with Carly all up in my head every single day. "Amara, just accept it. You're in love with him!" She would tell me.

What was love anyway? Was love the fact that I wrote my first poem because of him? Was love the fact that I shed my first tear because of him? Was love the fact that I was happy yet miserable? I did not know what love was. However, Carly was convinced, and she wasn't going to back down. I kept hoping it was just a crush, but the feeling grew every day. Us being friends was not helping the situation either. Every time he'd talk to me, I'd want to melt. But me being around him did nothing to him. To him I was just another girl... another friend!

Would not seeing him for two weeks make me forget him? Nothing had changed throughout the rest of the term. I'd kept wanting a little something from him but had received nothing. Instead, I felt ignored by him and it hurt. He spent more time with Allison which stung like crazy. I asked him onetime if something was going on between them and he said no. I wanted to believe him. I wanted to forget him because this one-sided crush was killing me.

I planned to erase him from my heart over the two weeks' vacation. When we returned for the next term, I would be over him. Over the vacation, I could accept the fact that we were just friends!